Recovering

Last night when we got home Anna was doing better than I expected. She was intubated and on a ventilator for just under 2 hours. I was able to escort her out of the OR to the PACU where it took a little over an hour to wake up. During that time she had a little bit of an irregular heart rhythm and it was a bit faster than it should be close to 150. After about an hour that all settled down. I may decide to take her back to the pediatric cardiologist just for a check up.

I am so glad that I did not have to fight to be right with her when she woke up. When she started to come around I she was too funny. Anna kept telling the doctors and nurses "You doing a good job, Momma is proud of you." They all laughed and thanked her.

She fell asleep last night around 10:30pm after watching her new movie not once but twice. She woke up this morning around 8:30am crying so I decided she was staying home. Her voice is a little horse and I mean only very slightly horse. The dentist was able to place all 5 crowns, the three small filing and completely clean her teeth. If I were given the option of having her dental work done in the hospital again verses the office, hands down I would still pick the hospital. Anna is doing that well.

I am so thankful that Anna did so well because I never do well under anesthesia. I once had a surgical procedure that required general anesthesia. My case was scheduled for 8:30am. I remember going to the recovery room and hearing familiar voices. I remember thinking how comforting it was to hear the alarms ring off. I was able to identify everything in my head the only problem was I never fully woke up. Never even opened my eyes. I hear some alarms going off and was listening to the conversation including stat doctor orders to help the patient. When my friend tapped me on the shoulder and said "Knock it off, and wake up!" Yup the patient who was doing poorly was me.

I spent a grand total of 4 hours in the PACU which is not close to tipical (usually you only spend an hour there). I then spent another 3 hours in the same day surgery area where they were talking about keeping me. Gerard asked what I needed to do to get to go home which was eat the cracker and drink the juice. He promptly ate the cracker and drank the juice. I woke up the following evening at home. I have no memory of leaving the hospital.

When Gerard told me the story I did tell him perhaps I should ahve stayed over night to which he replied "I could never leave you there overnight!" He did tell me that he ate at Taco Bell on the way home because that was the quickest. He told me not to worry he parked the car so he could see me. This is a true story and everytime I think about it is makes me laugh.

Out of the OR

Anna is out of the OR and doing well. We have to wait another hour or so than we will be on our way home.

She is in the OR now

What a day today has already been. I woke Anna up at 2:00 am to drink some Kefir because I knew she would be looking for some in the middle of the night. Yes Anna is still on a bottle but only at night and only for me. She gave it up months ago for everyone else but still insists that I give it to her. So I do.

She slept well and woke up around 8 am with a new phrase..."Momma I hungry." All I could think was who the heck is this kid because mine is never hungry and eating always a struggle. Our OR time was 1:30 pm, which was both good and bad. Good because Gerard was able to make it home sleep for about 45 minutes and accompany us to the hospital. Bad because my baby woke up hungry.

Anna loves PJs perhaps even more than I do. When I told her she could wear any pair of PJs that she wanted today all day this made her day. She cried a lite bit on our drive to the hospital because she was hungry but the movies in her room helped to keep her mind off that for a little bit.

We walked her down to the pre-operative area where I met her dentist and the anesthesologist. "Oh shoot" is all I could think because he is probably the only one I don't know. I did however know everyone else and they told him "Of course she can take her to the OR"

I gave her the pre-operative medications and she got loopy pretty fast. She kept laughing at our hats and trying to snap my jacket. What stuck me as familiar is she stopped holding on as I was holding her which was a strange reminder of how she was when she came home from Russia. I made them all promise to come and get me the minute I can come back the OR. She will still be intubated but I am fine with being there when they extubate her.

I just finished a quick lunch and sent Gerard to her pediatric room to rest. I expect she will be out of the OR in about 30 minutes. As soon as she is out stable and I am able I will post the update. Thank you all for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers.

Why am I up?

While everyone else sleeps I woke up at 3:30 this morning and have not been able to go back to sleep. I surfed facebook for a bit and realized that is pretty unproductive. My thoughts of doing a little bit of homework were overshadowed by the pile of bills that needed my attention.

Can I share with you that I so want to be out of debt? Well I have been working hard on getting there in the hopes to be able to do more fun things other than pay bills. We are so close to being where we want to be. My hope is that I can stay on this path.

Did I mention that I started taking Anna to church last week? When you sit in my back yard you can hear the church bells from the beautiful Baptist Church that we pass on our way to drop Anna off at school. Anna has asked me a couple off times if this is her church. Although it is very nice church and I have been to a few services there it is not the right church for me. I told her no our church is near the beach. With that she has replied I going to church this week. I thought well why not? I used to go to church every week before I started to work the night shift. Actually Gerard and I both went together every week.

With my previous schedule I worked into or out of 3 out of 4 Sundays which makes going to church hit or miss. Gerard worked every Saturday and Sunday so he never got the option of going to church once he started to work the night shift. I want Anna to feel comfortable going to church so I have decided now that my schedule is a little different I will make every effort to go to church with her when I am off.

So last week I told her about the behavior that I expected and I was pleasantly surprised. She is very ready to sit through the service. She very quietly asked a few questions than before I could answer her she would tell me "Shhh you have to be quiet we are in church." When we came home Gerard asked her about the service with that she replied "There was no donkey. He is gone now." I believe she is referring to the donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem. Every baby that made a sound was baby Jesus in her mind. I think it is so sweet the way she thinks.

I guess...

I am not the only one who is missing having Gerard around full time. Anna just told me "He is my Daddy and we are busy. No talking to him." So now they are playing Prince Philip and Sleeping Beauty in her bedroom. I just overheard Gerard telling her that there is a nice way to tell Momma that you need to play with me. I am so glad that he address it so I did not have too.

Yesterday, we completed Anna's history and physical needed for her dental work that she is having on Tuesday. Something very interesting happened when we were in the waiting room at the pediatrician's office. A woman came in with her 8 month old baby. Anna loves babies and her first instinct is to run over to them to touch them. This (I am sure) is every parent's nightmare so I talked to Anna and told her she was allowed to smile and look at the baby but no touching. The baby responded to Anna smiling at her. The mother asked Anna "What is your name?" with that Anna replied. What happened next was interesting. Anna told the mother "I was a baby too, when I was in Russia!"

Wow is all I could think. This is the very first time Anna has talked with a stranger or anyone about being a baby or Russia. I talk about Russia frequently to Anna but she never responds to me. I want it to feel normal for her to talk about Russia. In the past when I have tried talking to Anna about her birth parents, Anna would get angry and say "NO! One Momma, one Daddy!" When she would do this it made me sad. Sad for her birth parents, who I do believe love her but more sad for Anna. I want her to know that not only is it okay to talk about Russia but it is okay to have feeling about her time in Russia, and her birth family.

Anna has a memory that I think is amazing. No I am not just saying this because she is my daughter but because I have seen her put a puzzle together once then undo and redo the puzzle without needing to make any corrections. I do believe that Anna has memories from Russia. I do believe that she remembers me leaving her at the orphanage after my court trip and possibly she may have some memories of my first trip to see her.

I believe that Anna has adjusted very well over the past 2 1/2 years. I thank God everyday that she has adjusted so well. So many children have a difficult time attaching and bonding to their new families. I guess I just wanted to say that bonding and attachment can happen. We have worked hard at it and faced much criticism but it has so been worth every step.

I also went to the doctor's yesterday for my finger and not only did I have a fever, but I have been put out of work until March 3rd. If my finger is healed by than I am able to return if not than I will be out longer. Based on how I feel today I am not hopeful that I will be able to return on March 3rd. I have been started on antibiotics and twice a day dressing changes.

Anna was with me yesterday while I got my dressing changed for the first time. She held my hand and sang me her ABCs. She was very brave and I think actually wanted to look at my finger. She told the doctor that I had a hurting boo boo! He laughed.

Cucumber Salad...yumm!

So Monday I was craving cucumber salad. I know how is it possible that I would want to eat something that is somewhat healthy. I knew the night before I had bought a few nice cucumbers so I thought great I will whip some up in no time. My dreams of munching on cucumber salad ended shiftily. While cutting the cucumber on the vegetable slicer (because you know I like them thin)I took off the pad of my ring finger. Honest, I ALWAYS use the guard. I cut my finger off with literally the second swipe of the cucumber across the blade.

Now I am sure you can picture this me in my PJs holding a hand that was gushing blood and trying to convince Anna that it was okay to use my phone to call someone. Within minutes, Me-Me, La-La, Jim Dear and his Mom were standing in my living room. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. La-La fished my finger out of the bowl and told me "I must really love you." Me-Me watched Anna, La-La went back to work and Jim Dear took me to the hospital. Then someone asked 'Where is Uncle G?" In my panic of missing my finger I completely forgot he would be home from work any minute. I guess I just figured that he was working in my panic.

They were not able to suture the tip back on...sigh. I do love my fingers they are very useful. Because of the nature of the small amputation I am not able to wash my hands with the alcohol rub that is required by my employer so I am out of work until it is healed. I will see my doctor tomorrow to have my disability paperwork filled out. I am a bit disappointed because this ruins my perfect attendance. Oh well at least it is not more serious.

Anna also has her physical tomorrow and her pre-op appointment on Friday. Her dental work is planned for Tuesday. Gerard may not be able to see her before her procedure because he works 40 minutes in the opposite direction so I will be going it alone I think.

Long time no post!

How is it possible that this many days have passed without me posting anything. Well Gerard has successfully competed his first week of the night shift at his new job. How is it going you ask? Well tonight we both decided that he is really not a night shift worker. This is a fact I already knew but I think he needed to figure it out. The shift he is working is 11p-7a which does not sound bad except he does not get to see Anna at all.

She goes to school all day and he needs to go to bed by 4 pm. We will not talk about the difficulty that I have experienced in trying to keep a 4 year old quiet at 4 pm. So after the first day I sent him to his parent's house to sleep. Yup, I booted him out to sleep at his parent's house but that does not work for us either. I know that the answer is probably that he needs to work the day shift again. I do think he would be happier. I know I would be happier. Because I work 12 hour shifts, I leave after dinner and make it home in time to get Anna ready for school. I am able to sleep while she is at school. For me it works, for him not so much.

I will admit that I have been crabby. Stop acting shocked I know I have been crabby. I think I just miss not having him around so much. I need to have more patience (I would love to hear any quotes or scripture to help me with this).

On a different note I have completed my first week of running/walking. I feel good that I have been able to complete this week. The past two days have been wet and cold so I am hoping to start week 2 tomorrow. I have been recording my diet through the my fitness pal app on my phone. I highly recommend this app. If you use this app apparently we can be friends on this site which is pretty cool. I have lost just over 3 pounds. I feel like I am well on my way to becoming healthy.

I had a few sad days this week but I think I have snapped out of it after a stern talking to by Gerard. I hate to admit it but he is right so I have already started to move on. So there you have it, no real good reason for not blogging.

Confession

Have you ever had a dream that you thought you could not achieve? For the past couple of years I am not proud to say that I have had a dream that I did nothing that is in my power to try an achieve it. I have want to be a runner.

I want to be that one that can strap on my sneakers and take a quick run. Sounds easy but I think this is a lot harder than most runners make it look.

There I said it! It is out in the open and I can not take it back. I think it is actually a bit of a relief. Well now that it is out there and I have given myself up that I have done nothing to achieve this dream what is the next step?

Today Me-Me and I used a couch to 5k app on my phone and I completed my first run/walk. I felt good about accomplishing this first run while A) still being about to walk, B) Still being about to talk, and C) most importantly still wanting to be a runner.

I hate that I stopped walking with Anna after she first came home from Russia. I had been up to a 4.5 mile walk. While I am confessing all this wonderful information about me perhaps I should confess some more. I am over weight. Now I know a bunch of nice people out there have over looked that I am over weight but I can no longer over look it myself.

When I started to work the night shift I was 147lbs. Hard to believe that I thought I was fat than. Over the years I gained more weight and than a little more weight, than I started my adoption journey at 188lbs. Shocking I know. I think I was so sad after leaving Anna in Russia in March that I ate everything possible. After I broke my arm I packed on another 20 lbs. I topped the scale at 208lbs. When Anna I lost a bunch of weight and was down to 167 lbs. I was so close to my goal. Today I am back down to my regular 188lbs

See part of the problem with working at night is you are always tired. I think about sleep pretty much all the time. I calculate how much sleep I need and how much I might get verses how much I got. The numbers never add up. I am always behind on sleep.

On average night shift workers will die much sooner then their counterparts who work during the day. I snack all night long mostly to stay awake, but this is going to change too. Over the past couple of weeks I have started to watch what I am eating in the hopes of getting my eating modified as well.

As usual I have roped a friend and my nieces into my special form of crazy. We are all going to support each other in the hopes of completing a 5K. Not any 5K but one through the mud! There will be obstacles and rivers to cross. My goal is to just complete the race. So sometime in May (I am not sure of the date) I will strap on my old sneakers and run through the mud.

My hope is that in the process I will be able to lose some weight. I want to be a role model for Anna as well. I want her to love to run, play and eat healthy. I am her role model after all so I must complete this not only for me but for her too.

Pictures only

Is it possible that I have not downloaded pictures since the first of the year? Well that is what my camera says is so! How about just a few pictures from the past month?

A picture of the jar I made tonight to start saving for my Disney cruise in 2013. Thought about buying a new bank then thought "I bet I could make one that is just as nice" so I did. This bank cost me nothing.

Anna busy playing with her people

Hans gets more grown up everyday

Now that my Mother is retired I am put her to work making a tu-tu for Anna. It did turn out very nice

We only have gotten snow once this year. I could not pass up the opportunity to have her make a snowman. This reminds me of her very first snowman




If my memory serves me correctly I think Hans was on his knees. He is getting to be one big boy

Anna figured out how to safely take her baby for a ride in her car...LOL

I had to hide the cheap red lip stick otherwise she would want a red nose everyday.