Something rang a bell

Monday the Moscow Metro was bombed many were killed and even more were hurt. I have to say I really am not the type of person who listens to the news. Usually the only news on in my house is the financial news but today when my Mother was over we had the TV on and with a gasp she told me that Moscow was bombed. I heard her when she said it, yes it did registered but to be honest I never like to upset my Mother particularly when it comes to when I travel since most of my traveling has been alone. She knows that I am a good traveler and I make every effort to come home in one piece.

Something just rang a bell however, when I did listen to the storyhours later. The one station seemed more familiar then it should have to me. When I was in Russia I did not venture into the Metro station much but there was one day that I did and ended up spending about 2 1/2 hours milling around on different trains. The first station (Lubyanka) that was bombed was the station closest to my apartment on my first and second trip to Moscow. The second station (Park Kultury) was where I finally figured out where I was when I was lost for the 2 1/2 hours.

If you have never been to Moscow one of the things that I thought was amazing was the trains are really far below ground. I will even go on record to say I was uncomfortable with just how far below ground they were. Perhaps if I had someone to joke with on the long ride down I would have felt better.

Now I am finding my mind drift to the people who helped me while I was in Russia...the girl who gave me my apartment keys who traveled that same train with her newborn in a baby carrier...Alex who was newly married and who held my hand while I cried because I had to leave Anna for so long...his Mother who took me to the 8 Doctor Medical exam while dragging a huge Russian to English dictionary of medical terms...the children and teenagers who find shelter in the train stations.

I will never know if any of these people who were instrumental in me becoming a mother were killed or hurt. I am sad for the people of Russia. Life in Russia is way harder then we in the United States could ever imagine. The Metro is their lifeline. I could not imagine just how uneasy the people of Moscow feel after these bombing. Tonight I will pray that this is not the beginning of a trend and instead an isolated event.

Eggs Galore

In my attempt to be more organized while enjoying the holidays and everyday life with Anna I have officially gotten started on the Easter projects. Today was dyeing the eggs and tomorrow we will get our first Easter egg hunt under our belt. Is pushing and shoving allowed by the Mothers...hmmm I wonder. We are working on gentle touching so I guess I will have to remain polite tomorrow.

Her Easter basket came in the mail the other day. Going to the store can be near impossible for me because Anna is so excited about just being out so most of my shopping if possible is done on line these days. I found a basket with a liner of Peter Rabbit from one of my favorite stores. The liner was sold out but lucky for me I found it on Eb@y. As I pulled in the big box from the front step Anna unknowing let out with a guttural "OHHHHH!" Okay it was just a plain brown box but I was thinking the same thing so I guess that is normal.

I quickly opened the box and my hopes were dashed. I pulled out the box and the strongest smell of gasoline came floating out along with the beautiful basket. I will not tell you just how much I paid for this basket but I will tell you it was more then the amount of stuff going into it. After I phoned the company I was told they were not getting in any more baskets for this year. I think it stinks both literately and figuratively, by the way the company is giving me a full refund.

Last night Gerard, Anna and I decided to go to the store to purchase a new basket. We looked in 3 different stores, yes that is right 3 different stores because the one store only had 4 very small baskets, the other store only had less then pretty baskets but finally the third store had one that the liner would fit into and was beautiful in my eyes. One Easter basket purchased so mark that as done.



Bright and early this morning we got our selves up and running. Okay it was more like a slow walk with a lot of stretching. A quick breakfast then it was on to Easter eggs. Jaime, Greg, Hans, Jillian, Julie, Joy, Johny and Wayne all came over to get the job done and what a job they did. The eggs turned out to be beautiful. Only a few got cracked in the process.

One special thing that we did do is we dyed a few eggs in the traditional Russian manor. From what I have read dry onion skins are saved boiled with water and then the eggs are submerged into the water. What beautiful golden eggs this process made. Now I am off to iron her dress for tomorrow.

That's my name

When you think about becoming a Mother there are a number of different milestones that you think of like a first smile, first boo-boo and the first time you are called Mama. When you adopt a child many things run through your mind when you think about being called Mama. Most importantly will she think of me as her Mama so attachment is always on your mind. Anna's speech is delayed which is not a surprise. She starts speech therapy in the home on the Monday after Easter. I am excited to how she is going to advance with the right therapy.

Anna almost right away said Dada and Pawpaw. She points to both of them and clearly states their names. Anna can find them both in pictures and says their names. She has even related bird noises to her Pawpaw who is the best at making them. If she was asked where is Mama she could find me in a picture or in person but did not say my name. I was starting to feel just a small touch of sadness that she did not have a name for me even though I knew it was just a matter of time. I think what made it worst was the look on other's faces when they realized that she did not have a name for me yet.

Last week out of the blue she pointed to me and said Mama. Which after a couple of tries turned into something else but over the past week her speech has grown. I am Mama clear as a bell. One day I guess I will be part of the "That's my name don't wear it out club" but until then I will love to hear it every time she says it with a giggle and even when she says it while crying for me.

I guess they are back

Looks like I have yet another mean person commenting on my blog. Once again I am pleased to say "Thank goodness they have chosen me!" I can take it others may not be able handle rude comments. Dear Anonymous I hope your day gets better.

My blog is not formal writing. Do I spend a lot of time on the punctuation or spelling? I have even read a few and thought wow I must have been asleep while writing. I will use you comments to better myself. Please do not feel like you have to read along. Try not to spoil the fun of others. Also feel free to sign your name.

What a day or I mean weekend for the beach!

Last week we were blesses with some of the nicest weather. My feet finally did not feel cold probably should wear closed toes shoes in the snow but that is a different topic. Now I am going to back track to 3 weekends ago, the weather was cold and wet and we were all going a little crazy in the house. I had seen a sign for a children's fair. I will be honest I was willing to take her any place where she could run around a bit.

While I was at this fair I signed up for a couple raffles that were being held by some local vendors while Gerard chased Anna who chased the robot, Snoopy and the Alligator until they could take it no more (I mean the characters not Anna she would still be chasing them!) I will be honest I really only wanted to win one of the raffles but I am the type of person who will sign up anyway.

Low and behold I got an email that night when I was working...I WON! Can you guess? A picture session on the beach! I have seen this photographer around town but I do find it difficult to write and drive. Gerard told me he felt a bit suckered because he agreed to be pictured if I won. So some time in May we will be having our portraits done on the beach.

As with most things preparation is everything. Anna gets very distracted when there is water around so getting her use to the beach and seeing the ocean is important Gerard told me that he thinks it was just an excuse to go to the beach...maybe but I do not care.

So last Thursday Jillian, Jimmy, Jaime and I took Anna, Coconut (the little black dog) and Sadie (Jimmy's dog) to the beach. What a perfect day. Then on Saturday we went to the St. Patrick's day parade with Jillian and Chippy also known as Pawpaw. The parade was in one of the seaside communities just north of us that also has a boardwalk. After the parade we went to the boardwalk to walk around eat hot dogs, fries fresh squeezed lemonade. Let's not forget the deep fried Oreos which were Anna's favorite.

I love preparing for this task.







She loves to dance!

Anna & Pawpaw

A question revisited

Last year when I was in Russia for my first visit and only visit until I was to return in July I packed many different things for Anna. The discussion about where Anna would wear a bow or bonnet was a hot topic. While I visited with her it was quite plain to see that Anna preferred neither a bonnet or a bow.

No sooner would I get one clipped in for a picture would she take it out and hand it or me. Her hair has grown so much over the pas couple of months and no I have not cut her hair as of yet for a couple of reasons. First being that I would like it to be one length. Currently her hair is multiple lengths all over her head.

As I started to let it go and believe me I have gotten some flack over not at least trimming it but I started to think about how she would feel about a hair cut. By my estimation it seems as though she has had many hair cuts in the past with no particular style. In defence of the caretakers they had many children to care for and a very short hair cut must have been much easier to care for.

In the same respect I can not imagine that the experience was one that was fun for Anna. I know that many children do not enjoy having their hair cut but this is something that I have chosen to put off as long as I can. Wow way off the topic.

So we usually start the day with a pony tail on the side or a clip to keep her bangs back. I estimate that I replace that pony tail about 100 times throughout the day just so I can see her eyes when we play. The other morning Jillian put her hair up without a fight. I said to myself now is as good of a time as any to get one in her hair. I If you have followed many Russian adoption typically the referral pictures for a girl include one with a larger then life bow in their hair. Anna's picture did not have one.

At first she looked at me and then just continued on her way to play in the yard. Bows that would be the new answer to the question of Bonnets or Bows.

A year ago today

Just one year ago I was packing my things in to my suit case with tears in my eyes. I was so unsure of the future. I feared that I would not be able to adopt Anna for many reason some that I have shared publicly and some I have only shared with a few friends. How amazing the difference a year can make in one's life. (Blog entry from the day I met her)

The rain is coming down and the wind is very blustery here which by the way woke me up but the first thing I thought of today was Easter as I looked at my baby sleeping. I really do not want a repeat of Christmas in many ways but mostly I do not want to feel rushed and unorganized. I like having everything done and ready to go look who sounds like she has OCD now.

So this morning I finished my first task the Easter basket. I realized last week that I had not ordered one. I wanted one from P0ttery B@rn kids with the peter rabbit liner. How I missed ordering it before they were all sold out is a mystery to me but the days just seem to slip away way faster then I ever noticed before.

Gerard was up already and getting ready to go to the gym. I was busy on the computer on Eb@y trying to get what I wanted and discussing the size. Pondering over should I part with that much money for a basket and liner. Gerard looked at me and said "She will have it for so many years you may as well get the one you want."

How profound I thought this statement was even though he did not realize what today is mostly because either of us usually know the date but we function on what day of the week it is instead. She is here forever with us. Sounds crazy but when you have had so many different bumps in the road you can start to think that the day your child comes home will never happen. Here we are one year later talking about the future without any "ifs" or "when" in terms of her arrival to our family.

Today I will breath a sigh of relief hug my baby and enjoy the moment.

Crayons & Cookies

I do love it when Gerard is home and playing with Anna. He does not quite realize just how much she misses him during the day. Everytime I think of coming off the night shift when I am so tired I think of how much I would miss. Gerard usually calls pretty often throughout the day to see what we are doing.

Yesterday he was home with us the better part of the afternoon. Anna is quick and busy and has been from the minute I met her. He usually does not watch her alone when she is awake you know diapers and such and he has made one or two comments like did she do that when you dozed off this morning?

Silly man there is zero dozing off because I am truly chasing her or picking up all day long. Which brings us to yesterday. I was cleaning up after dinner and left the two of them about 3 feet away, no lie, small house open floor plan. Anna and Gerard each were having "cookies". Anna had her crayons out and was coloring.

I am pretty sure I was getting a lecture about time management or sometime like and how when you have a child sometimes it is difficult to get things done while keeping her busy but that it can be done. To that I said really! Then I asked how was the cookie? Then I asked when did Anna start eating the green crayon? Then he said I see what you mean you can not take your eyes off her for a minute...you probably are not dozing off are you?

One thing I did find to be amazing is crayons will come off your walls in a matter of seconds. Crayons coming out of a 2 year olds teeth takes at least 2 people and 2? minutes.

It has been a long road...

One year ago on March 9, 2009 scared, nervous, excited I started a journey. This is the day I left the safety and comfort of my home and my country to find my daughter. When you travel somewhere alone there is a small amount of uncertainty that I believe everyone experiences whether or not they want to admit this. I traveled to Russia to met a little girl in the hopes that she was the child that I was dreaming of for so many years.

I remember settling in on the airplane hoping my dreams would not be tarnished, hoping that I was making the right decision in uncharted water and praying that God would give me the strength to hold a child who I did not carry for a short time while guiding my decisions. The thought of leaving her for an undetermined amount of time was difficult but the act of walking out of the orphanage without her made my body ache all over. I laugh now because when I did return for my court date the coordinator remembered me not for my blond hair (from a bottle) or the fact that traveled so far alone to make the biggest life altering decision I would ever make. She remembered me as the one who cried the whole time I was there.

I can laugh with tears in my eyes now but at the time the feelings and thoughts that I was thinking consumed every minute of my waking day. Believe it or not I have been accused of not "dealing with all the changes" well. My response to that was how could you know what it felt like? Once I was home I focused long and hard at finishing the required paperwork so that I could travel as quickly as possible. I did my best to have patience with each set back, first issues with obtaining my home study agency's license then the biggest blow breaking my arm.

The road back to Anna was a long one way longer then I ever thought I could endure when I first started this journey to adopt. In retrospect the delays were put in my path to do just that delay my departure. Had I not had those delays I could have been faced with the challenge of appearing in court with a long arm cast to which I can not be sure that I would have ever been blessed with the gift that the Russian government has given me...Anna. Had the delays not occurred at each bend in the road I might have been back to work and unable to be with my Mother as she faced lung cancer.

It has been a long road that I traveled to become Anna's Mother. This kind of hit me today as I was in the park walking on a trail with Anna. Watching her run ahead then stop and look back for me to be with her. The road ahead may have twists and turns bumps and perhaps a couple of ditches but I think I am better for having each challenge in my path. Seeing Anna smile helps to ease my grief over missing her first 23 months of life. I look in the picture above and see there is a road ahead hope for the future, laughter to hear, smiles to give and receive. Things happen for a reason sometimes the reason is not clear at first glance but the plan is not mine.

The beauty of post placement reports and keeping one's culture

I am sure that if you have read here or other adoption blogs long enough you have at least heard once or twice about post placement reports. This was on my mind today mostly because I just paid the bill for our first report.

The purpose of a post placement report or visit is two different things. First and foremost is the child thriving and in a safe environment that is loving. The second is to help identify areas of concern whether it is attachment or special learning needs but more or less on long those lines. When I did Anna's first post placement report I needed to include 6 pictures with a small statement about the date and what was going on in the pictures. These pictures are sent back to the country of origin for review by their officials.

When I was picking out those pictures I wanted to make sure that I was picking the very best pictures that I could for many reasons. I never want the officials in Russia or the staff whom helped me to become a Mother to ever worry that she is not being cared for and loved. Second those pictures where we like it or not represent our country and could impact a future adoption for another couple. Not being a professional photographer I do find it to be a challenge at times to capture that special picture with the right lighting and right background then throw in my personal concern of she should look neat and well dressed in the photos.

So today the moon and stars were in alignment and I was able to snap a few I liked.

"I may not wear socks but you are going to wear them"






"Now that the coins are put away a quick ride!"

One other big concern for the Russian officials was how was I going to expose Anna to the Russian culture?? Not being Russian but being a first generation American I can easily understand that concern. One thing I have decided on is to join my local FRUA chapter...I know don't faint. Quite honestly I am not much of a joiner. The thought of organized activities makes me twitch a bit but I do understand that I will have to get past that too. So I do always have my eye open for things that I could introduce to Anna as being part of the Russian culture. First thing I found which surprised me was the cartoon the Cat in the Hat actually refers to Russia and sings a small piece in Russian. This was an unexpected find.

The second is we are now ready to venture out for our first car trip of more then an hour. We are planning to going to Washington to attend an Easter party at the Russian Embassy. How cool is that? I will tell you I can even top that we are going to meet up with a fellow blogger while we are there!!!! I am so excited you would think that I won a vacation to the Caribbean. How many people can say that inside a year they have been in the American Embassy and the Russian Embassy. I would venture to guess not that many.

I never thought I would wish I lived a little more north. In my searches I found a private school where Russian is the primary language. The school is a Russian Catholic Orthodox school. Even though I do not speak Russian if I were to send her to a private school this would be one of the top 5 I believe. I am always amazed by others who can speak more then one language.