Her Name is .........

Believe it or not at work I have been called the naming police. I know, one of many things I am sure that they call me (All in love I am sure). But a name is so important. I think that you are born into a name and it is a matter of your parents getting it right the first time.

In my family all the girls names start with the letter 'J'. Not so many 'J' names out there that we have not already used. I am a rebel after all. When I thought we were getting a boy I thought great I do not have to buck the system. I can pick any name I want so of course I wanted Gerard which of course he hated. Joshua Thomas was my very favorite name when I was a little girl. All my baby dolls were named Joshua Thomas. Plus when I found out the meaning 'God rescues' I thought that is perfect. Nope he did not like Joshua. I loved Jeremy too. Again another perfect meaning 'God will raise you up'. Nope he hated that name too. We settled on Daniel Gerard. Love the name, love the meaning 'God is my judge' and for Gerard 'Strength of the spear' So for many months that was the name. I practiced spelling it and writing it. I LOVE that name.

We only briefly talked about girl names because remember I was getting a boy. So I loved the name Olivia Beth after my Father's parents Oliver and Betsy, he hated it. Mary Grace was one of my other favorites. My Mother is Marion and his is Marie. I thought it would be nice to name her kind of after both of them. I will tell you neither of them liked the name. So back to the drawing board.

Are you seeing a theme? I really like traditional names or names that have a family tie. Gerard is named after his Father and I think he has his Grandfather's name as his middle name, I am named after my Aunt Joyce and Aunt Eleanor on my Father's side. Confused yet? So after I was shot down for both of the girl names then I in passing mentioned Catherine. So Catherine was it he refused to discuss another name because if we got a girl that one was perfect and how can you mess with perfect?

Catherine was my Mother's Mother's name and also my Aunt Catherine Ann's name. Catherine was Gerard's Grandmother's name on his Father's side so I already knew it would work with both our last names. To make a very long story short many in my family are named Catherine, I have a very dear friend named Katherine as well.

When I got the call the Director of the agency asked me if I knew of an one in my family named Anna? I was stumped. No I do not think so well maybe then it was YES I do. Gerard's Grandmother on his mother's side was Ann but maybe it was Anna. I was not very sure. So I called him and we talked about it and just like him he did know whether his Grandmother was Ann or Anna. He just kept saying she was Grandma.

Thank goodness AM (his sister Ann-Marie, yes we call her AM like I am going to the store) knows all about the family history. So I asked her in passing because I was still a bit undecided about if that was the name I wanted for her. So under the pretense of I need it for her baby book she told me it was Anna not Ann.

Bingo! That was it her name would remain Anna. I still loved Catherine so we changed that to be her middle name. So that's the name....

Anna Catherine,

hence Little Banana, or Anna Banana.

The name Anna comes from Hannah which means gracious, merciful. So I got me Grace and Catherine means pure. Is there anything more pure then a baby?

Just an additional piece of information about her name Gerard bless his heart loved it because it spelt the same way coming and going and is a very "Even name" 4 letter, 2 A's, 2 N's and if you draw a line down the middle it is a mirror image. That is why he is convinced that she will be VERY neat and not hap-hazard like me! After spending the time I have with her I fear he is right. Just do nto tell him I will never hear the end of that.

After 5 Hours of Questioning.....

Yes it was over 5 hours long. Short by the standards of this region and long compared to other regions. I woke up this morning to a some what cooler day only about 85 degrees. I had my usual large breakfast hot tea and water.

I pulled on those hot stockings combed my hair and was off to court. Yes I wore the big shoes (high heels). On the way to court I talked with the translator. She talked with me about the things not to do in court as well as the things I should do.

Most importantly the Judge does not like it when he must pull the answers from someone. I was told to just talk and elaborate on everything. I showed him pictures of her room, car seat, us together and family.

I was questioned at length about my mortgage. It seems funny to be questioned about that because everyone has one. This is not the case in Russia. I told him that I do pay extra every month so I will have it paid for much sooner then is noted on the paperwork.

I talked about my job, education, family and vacations that I have taken. I was asked about my broken arm. Yes that was in fact part of the delay. He was unsure if I would be ale to work again because of the break.

Thank goodness I had a letter from my doctor. I was asked to show full range of motion of my arm and to pick up something so he could see that it worked well. I also to him that I was already back to work.

I was asked 'What if you get tired of her? What will you do?' I do not think that I will ever get tired of her. I let it slip that I thought she was perfect. I told all Mothers should think their children are perfect! Right?

He asked me if there were sharks in the ocean. Now that is a hard question of course there are sharks but not any like Jaws where I live. I told him I would keep her safe from all sharks even the ones in the ocean.

He asked me if I liked men. Yes I do like men. There was also some confusion about my name. I have 2 first names, 1 middle name and a last name. So I explained that too.

So after all these questions I was told I could be her Mommy. The judge said YES!!

My second visit

This again is going to be a condenced version of my visit. I plan to write much more about each visit so that I have it all written down. Today I was taken to the baby home by the drive who speaks almost no English. I do have a funny story (funny now not then) about my first trip to the baby home. I will wait until I am home to tell it so my Mother and Gerard's parents do not worry.
We got there at about 12 pm again right after her lunch. At first she was a bit unsure but the previous day she focused mostly on my sudoku puzzle book. She has easily looked at every page about 4 million times. The day before she did not want to play with any toys just look at the puzzle book. So to break the ice I held out the puzzle book and she went for it. Although this time I switched it out after about 5 minutes with a photo album of our home, her room, and family. Bingo! For the first 15 minutes she just flipped the pages fast and furiously. Then I started to slow her sown and tell her about each picture. I included in pictures of her and us together. At one point she stopped at a picture of us and turned her head to me and smiled. We played outside in the 100 degree weather but were able to find some shade thank goodness. I fry in the sun. I did not think to pack sunblock I am in Russia after all.
This was the first time that we were able to just play without someone standing right next to us. I did take a few pictures but I was more concerned with just being with her. I am not sure when I will get to do that again so that was my focus. The funny thing is when I started to tkae a few pictures she thought I was playing pee a boo.
She is very sweet and smart. She LOVES books! This has been the one thing she has liked in each of my 3 visits. I will write more tomorrow. I am dirty, hot, sticky and typing from my phone.
The big for tomorrow is court! Off to look over some paperwork.

I saw her again !!!!!

She has not changed much at all in her appearance she has gained e.f lbs so know she is 21.5 lbs. I have so much that I want to write about this visit some happy some sad. I have to put my thoughts together and get to a computer. I am blogging from my phone so I am sure this costing a small fortune.

I will go to see her again tomorrow. Hopefully that visit will be wonderful. Not that today's visit was not wonderful just different then the last time. I saw her. Attachment has always been a concern of mine and yes some of my fears are true. She did not recognize me at all. Nothing! So I will develop a plan of action that I will ask everyone to please follow. If you love her already then you will understand that the steps that I will implement are for her own well being. They are not ment to hurt anyone's feelings or to leave anyone out. The only way she will be able to develop into the beautiful, bright little girl I know she can be is if she is securely attached to Gerard and I.

Now I am off to sleep because I think it is like 1 or 2 am and I have another long day tomorrow.

Back in Cheboksary

I have arrived in Cheboksary and I am all settled in with my host family. The apartment is very quiet this time because the children are at their grandparents and the other grandmother is on vacation. The food is still good. I have to say one thing that I envy is that most of the food that I ate tonight was from her garden. I had stuffed tomatoes with potatoes, squash and an herb salad. I would love to make this at home but I fear I would be the only one eating it.

One treat tonight at dinner was fresh blackberries and tea cookies. They were full of favor. I hope that Little banana likes many of these things when she is older.

The medical exam is now completed and I have the document in my hand for court. I think it is very interesting to see other types of healthcare systems at work. From what I could tell each patient's chart was a small booklet that you pick up for your visit then return when you are done. It appears that the same booklet is used with each visit. I got a very small booklet because I was to be seen only once. Lori do not worry I will tell you all about it in an email.

Have I mentioned that it is hot here. Like really hot. Like I think I am melting hot. I usually do not feel hot but this is a sticky hot. I can only imagine how it will be at the baby home tomorrow because it is located about 4 hours south of where I am staying one way. Tomorrow I will be able to tell first hand. Yup I do get to see her twice.

Tomorrow I will go on an offical visit to see Anna with the translator then the next day I will see her but I will not have a translator just a driver. Then it is court! I am told that the judge is a very fair judge which is good. Friday I have errands to run if I get a positive court ruling.

I have been told tonight that it could take as long as 1 month after the 10 wait is over to pick her up because her passport may not be completed. Sigh. My agency is doing their best to speed things along for me but I just want everyone to be prepared that I may not be returning to Cheboksary for another 6 weeks. I am going to pray that this is not the case but if it is then I will deal with that part of the journey then lets not put the cart before the horse.

I was told to make sure I take pictures of us together tomorrow. It seems like a silly thing but I will need them for court and being here alone it can be more of a challenge to get into the picture. Otherwise I think I will sleep good tonight. I may not post until after court because between the drive and the time change I may be too tired but I will try.

***Will someone tell Gerard to look at the emails tonight***

Off to see if I am healthy

I am leaving for the medical examination in about 40 minutes. Darn that daylight savings time because my clock was wrong. I hate time changes. I thought I had an extra hour. Oh well.

I am not sure when I will be able to post again hopefully tonight when I get to the Host family's apartment. Now I have to get all my stuff together.

Breaking News!

One thing that is constant in Russian adoption is that plans can change in a matter of minutes. One minute I am getting a boy next I am getting a girl. The breaking news is that I have been told that I will be leaving for the region a day early! This is the best news that I have heard all day, week, month and year!

It looks as if I will get the chance to see her twice instead of just once. I am so excited!! I have a few details that I must work out as far as the apartment but I am sure that it will all work out everything does after all.

Life is good. When I heard the news my stomach did a flip flop. I am just hours away from holding her again. Leaving her this time will be even harder I fear then the last time. The only good thing is that this time when I leave her I will already know when I have to return.

When I was switched to this region I was a little upset. Now that everything is working out I could not be happier that I am in this region. The unknown can be a bit scary. I have really had to swallow hard at times during this journey. Now that I see light at the end of the tunnel all is well.

I hope to access to the internet while I am in the region. If for some chance I do not I will once I get back to Moscow.

The Metro

Well I ventured out on the metro today. My thinking is that the metro would not be nearly as busy on a Sunday then on a Monday. This way I could figure out where I needed to go in order to make it to Red Square and save the walk fro shopping instead. I thought this was a pretty good plan.

Well I guess it would have been if I had a pocket map of the Metro or I could read the signs or if I knew where I was going or insert many over factors. So needless to say I have been on the Metro and gotten off at many different stops none of them being the ones that I wanted. On the bright side I have seen much of Moscow in Aunt Nel fashion. Now do not worry I was not walking around with an open bag or looking in the sky.

One thing about the Metro that is really cool in it is pretty deep underground. The escalators are really steep. I would venture to guess that one of the reason why there is an old lady stationed at the bottom of each escalator is because a lot of people fall down them. I would also guess that they are at least 3-4 stories below ground.

Walking around Moscow can be somewhat hard because of all the underground tunnels that one must take to get to the other side of the street. Darting across the street is near impossible here because of the traffic. I imagine without these underground tunnels the traffic would be far worst.

The weather here is hot, actually hotter then it was at home. Yup forgot my shorts. What did I pack? Nope there is no air conditioning in the apartment or if it is I can not find it. I did find a fan which made me laugh and think of the time Gerard, AM, Eddie and I went to Maine. I had talked them into these ocean front cottages and there was no A/C just a fan. I can still picture the look on Eddie's face when he told Gerard there was no air. Oh course it was actually 106 degrees that year in Maine as we spent the better part of one day in the McD because they had A/C. Guess where I had a long lunch? Yup McD.

Can not sleep thinking about court questions

Nope can't sleep. When I was dozing and just about asleep. Someone from home called me to play a prank. Not cool guys! Do you think I don't have caller ID? I'm in Russia not on the moon. I do not want to have to shut off my phone. So since then I am awake just thinking.

Dede and Becky you guys are probably right about the market when I asked the driver to take me there he told me it was closed. I just figured he did not know what I was talking about. Oh well.

I have been thinking a lot about the questions that I may be asked in court. One of the hardest questions I think will be:

How do you intend to teach her about her Russian culture?

To some degree this has me stumped not because I want to say what they want to here but because I want to do what I say. My Father was born in Denmark and moved to Canada first then the U.S. which makes me a first generation American to some degree. I know that my Father always had a desire to return to Denmark. He did not speak the language but and only a few small traditions survived. To be quite honest I can not honestly think of one except we decorate our Christmas tree with Danish flags and other paper ornaments.

My sister and I went to Denmark a couple of years ago to visit with family. They all spoke both Danish and English so it made our trip very nice. My Great Aunt has since died and I do feel a loss of the connection from his side of the family. How can I make this different for her? I know there may not be any true resolution to this problem or maybe there is and I am just not seeing it.

Well I am off to try and sleep some more before the sun comes up.

My feet hurt and it is onely my first day

Rather then sleep I decided to take a walk around and find Red Square. Wow do my feet hurt. Tomorrow I will brave the metro in the hunt for the open air market that everyone tells me is wonderful.

My bags are packed to the gills right now so I am thinking about waiting to purchase some of the things that I want to take home with me. When I packed for this trip I did include about 20 pairs of little shoes. So once I have off loaded them to the Director of the baby home then I should have plenty of room for the things that I want to buy before I leave next Saturday.

I did walk through the GUM and saw the fountain that Becky and Keith mentioned when they were here to pick up their little peanut. I also saw the changing of the guard. I first saw that on Dede and Rob's trip to pick up Liam and I hope to see it again so that I can get better video of it.

So I am off to put up my feet and get some rest. Because tomorrow will be busy.

I'm HERE!

The second flight from Chicago was very nice. The flight was only partially full so I got to sit alone. I do love extra space on a plane. I was able to have a nice window seat again my favorite.

I was picked up by Alexander the driver different from my coordinator Alex. I know very confusing. It is 3 pm here I will be going out to the store shortly so that I have a couple of things to eat. I was smart this time and I packed a diet soda just in case of an emergency.

The apartment is nice and much bigger then the last one that I stayed in. Thank goodness for the computer here because I just do not think that I could have carried my laptop this trip. It does make me question how I will be able to bring her home and handle the bags but I guess I will figure it all out when the time comes. I know I will not be able to take more then one bag on that trip.

I look around this apartment and think Little banana will think I am crazy because I will show her pictures of her room and then bring her here. One thing I forgot was saline for my eyes. I remember thinking on the last trip that I have to remember that and yup forgot it.

I know that most of you will think how come she did not get this done before! You had 5 months after all. Well I really can not answer that question but one of the things that made me late was I stopped by W@lmart to print up some pictures for court. I bought a little red leather book to put them in so that I can show the judge her room and my house. I included a couple of pictures of her and the two of us. You will not believe how many times I have printed up the same pictures and looked at them like they were brand new.

I pray that they used the camera that I left to take pictures of her. You have to understand I am a bit of a freak about that at work because these are moments that you will never get back. I feel like I have missed so much. I know that I will have so many years with her and a bunch of firsts too but I just want to keep her little for a little bit longer.

Have no fear I will be blogging a lot while I am in Moscow. I will only get about an hour a day at the apartment in Cheboksary so maybe a little less there.

A post from the plane??? ***Sneak Peak***

No for the record this is a post that I have scheduled ahead. I will keep it short. I just wanted to share with you all a sneak peak of the little banana. When I see this picture I just think of how she walked around the room on my first visitbut then she would turn around and look for me. Please enjoy it.

With 5 minutes to spare

Yup almost missed the plane! We got stuck in traffic in NYC. Gerard did not quite believe the GPS with good reason. I am here in Chicago safe and sound. I love the bose headset but forgot it at home. Have no fear Gerard now you have one too!

I barely had time for a quick kiss at the airport. Gerard I love you.

Four nice men let me jump ahead of them one not so nice man did not so there I sat crying. You could tell the men behind me were annoyed with him. Thank goodness it was my arm I broke and not my legs. I ran and got to be the one to shut the door on the plane.

I can not believe I am going I just will not believe it until I see her face. Off to get a drink for the plane. I hope to be boarding in about 45 minutes.

I am loving the way her room turned out!

The past couple of days have been busy. Yes I have finally finished her room. That is one of the things that I have been doing and yes I have pictures that I plan on posting. I love her room. Last minute changes that I decided to make are the ones that I love the best. I was torn as to whether or not I should have any open shelves in her room for toys. I decided that it would be important to have an open shelf that she could reach because that is what she is used to having in her play area.

I was lucky to find a shelf that matches her dresser. I have also found out that I-Kea has also made a new mirror for her dresser. Gerard says 'All little girls need a mirror over their dresser!' So the plan is that we will purchase the mirror and hold onto it until I can remove the changing pad. I had planned on putting a shelf above the dresser high and put Gerard's Tonk@ trucks on it but Gerard again a big fat veto on that decision. They have a small amount of wear on them so that is the reason why he does not want to put them in there.

The bedding was purchased at T@rget. I retro fitted the sheets so that they could fit the bed correctly. I decided in an effort to keep her world small I would only put out a couple of toys. I have more in the attic but I will wait to bring them down. I had purchased the map the e-bay. I love the way it looks hanging there. I have found the town where her baby home is located and now my eyes go to it easily. I hope to be able to show her this frequently when I talk to her about Russia and her heritage.

It is a crazy good feeling to stand in her room and think that in a few short weeks she could be in there just looking and playing with everything. Gerard and I stood in the door way and both finally started to breath again. The past two years have been exciting and wonderful. I just can not imagine how much more fun it will be to have my own daughter.

I have watched so many make this journey and now it is my time to take this walk or flight to Russia. I can remember sitting in my office just waiting for an update to see how everything was going when someone traveled. Waiting for the first picture was always my favorite post almost as good as the post about the child's name. I have to admit I would call Gerard and talk about my fellow bloggers and their gotcha day. When he would come home 'the picture' is the first thing he would have to look at. What would I have done if I could not have had the sneak peak that I had. Now to know that my journey is evoking happy memories for others of there gotcha day gives me chills.

So here is what everyone has waited for the pictures of her room!








Yes the phone is a miniature working phone.

Getting things done

The last 2 days I have spent getting as much done as I could. I have been very lucky because work has been a bit slow therefore I was able to be put on call the past 2 nights. The sleep felt good. Tonight I do have to work so I will be off shortly to get ready for work.

The hunt for money was harder this time then it was the last time. The last time I just ordered the new money and it was no problem this time I was told that they can not order the money so I have driven around to a couple of local banks to get the bills that I needed. So that is one big thing off my list.

As far as the baby home donations were concerned I wanted to make a donation of shoes. I know that leather is what others have said the baby homes prefer so that is what I set out to find. At P@yless the have a line of leather children's shoes. I purchased a total of 15 pairs for the baby home. I was able to get all different sizes too. I hope that they are easy to pack. I will have to do some creative packing I fear in order to get everything in my bag. I really only want to take one bag but again I think I will have to take 2.

Things that still remain on my 'To Do List' are: Finish her room. Stop laughing I will get it done. It is really just the finishing touches. I do not know why I am obsessing so much about what I want in her room. One cool thing that I did buy a couple of months ago was an antique map of Russia. I framed it this weekend and now I just have to hang it. The cross is hung over her bed and it is the same cross that hung over her Great Grand Mother's bed who she is named after. I love that her name so much.

My Visa is not back yet. I plan on calling tomorrow to see if they mailed it yet. I may decide to go pick it up. It would be an all day trip in the car but then there is no chance of it getting lost. Things like the visa are the thing that make me crazy with worry.

Thanks to Dede and Rob I think I know what I need to get so that I can upload pictures without saving them to a public computer. Plus I also need a converter for the re-chargeable batteries things. I also need the international charger for my Bose head set (best purchase I have made).

I need a hair cut and dye job yes my lovely locks are from a box. I am also thinking a pedicure would be nice. Oh did I mention I have not decided on an outfit yet. I guess I will need stocking too. Many I hate to wear stocking.

I am so excited, I know that you all think I am a bit silly but just thinking about the next week makes me smile. So there you have it I am crazy busy and loving it. There are so many things I want to say but just do not have the time.

My apartment is booked

The last time I was in Moscow I felt very uncomfortable in the hotel. I know that sounds kind of crazy but I felt trapped. I did not have Internet and therefore no real entertainment. I was only in Moscow a few hours but I still did not like the feeling of the hotel. Was it safe? Yes! So on my way back to Moscow after visiting the region I had told the coordinator that I wanted an apartment.

This trip I plan to stay in an apartment for all my time in Moscow which will be a couple of days. Last night I got everything finalized and now have my apartment all booked up. That is a big relief. There is a computer in the apartment so I do not have to take my lap top but I am still not sure. How will I upload pictures for everyone to see? I am really not that computer literate. I am sure there is a way. If you know the way please email me or comment.

I love pictures! Here is one that I took of Dottie yesterday.



Joy

The before pictures

I know it seems like I am keeping the pictures of her room from everyone. Well that is just not the case. Nope still not done but really, really close. Gerard just has to finish securing the bookshelf to the wall so that is it good and secure. Once that is done then I can put out her toys. I wanted a shelf that she would be able to easliy access for books and her favorite toys.

I hope to have all the finishing touches done tomorrow. So did he put up the chanderlier??? Yup he did. I know he would my sister did give him a bit of a hard time until he did but it was all in good fun.

Sloan my sister's son who is a couple of months younger then Little Banana was over today and we could not help ourselves. I was trying to decide what I thought might fit and he was walking around so yes I admit it we dressed him up in a couple pairs of her shoes to see what might fit and what might be small. I am sad to say that the one pair of shoes that I loved I think might be too small.

I have also realized that although I have quite a large amount of clothes I think most of what I have purchased will be too big. I am also still looking for that perfect dress for coming home (of course I will change her on the plane before we get off or at least that is the plan).

I told my mother and Gerard's parents today that I am leaving. I think all of them were relieved to know that the day I am leaving for the Russia is fast approaching. Everyone just wants her home and as soon as possible.

So here are the before pictures of her room.

The infamous PAPERWORK

I have gotten a couple of questions about the paperwork and the Russian adoption process in general. I have read where others have posted about this process and in the past have just assumed that every knew what you have to go through to finish a Russian adoption or I am guessing any international adoption.

I can tell you that even my family did not and does not know all the steps that I had to complete in order to get this far. I think that is both good and bad. I never wanted to worry them or give the impression that I was complaining about the process. So in the very beginning I did not mention much to them and I always stretched the time frames so to not disappoint them when they came and when. Which I would do again in a heartbeat. I do not consider this lying because they were only estimates to start with. It gave me time to process the disappointment so that I was okay then I could discuss it with all of them.

So here is the short version:

1. Find an agency! I can tell you that I think this is the single most important thing that you can do if you are going to start an adoption. My current agency is my second agency. I have found that it is quite common at least in Russian adoption to change agencies at least once during the process. There are many reasons why a person could change or want to change agencies usually it is because the adoptive family has lost confidence in the agency to help them become a family. During my change there was an issue with accreditation for Russia. Accreditation is a special license that is required for an agency to work in Russia.
2. The Home Study. This is done by your agency or a separate agency. They come to your home and inspect it for safety and cleanliness. Also they are looking see that you have a plan for where the child will stay. This home study is quite important because at this point you discuss all your options with a Social Worker who is experienced with adoption. In my case there was discussion about different countries and international verses domestic adoption. In my case my financial ability to raise a child was reviewed. There are also background checks that must be completed for child abuse and other crimes.
3. Dossier Part 1: This is a collection of papers that is first notarized then an apostille is applied from the state level it is basically an additional notary. The cost of the apostilles vary from 1 dollar to as much as 25 dollars. In New Jersey you can have adoption documents notarized for 5 dollars but you must wait 2 weeks to get them back. If you need the documents right away then the cost is 20 per document. The first part of the dossier was done at the lower rate but in the past 5 months every other document I have sent was the 20 dollar type because the agency would need them in a day or two. Some documents have been re-done up to 5 times because of a very slight change in wording. To date in state expenses I have spent over 3000.00 dollars. For my region I must send 3 copies of each document. I also keep one for myself.
4. Then you wait. I waited in my opinion quite a long time for a referral. Many of the blogs that I read have had there children home for over a year and in some cases two years. Different agencies different Russian connections. Are you seeing why the choice of an agency is so important.
5. Trip #1 The referral trip! This is it the big trip. On this trip you meet a child review there medical reports and spend time interacting with the child. You get to see where the child lives and in some cases you can watch them eat or feed them. Many times you get to meet the child a couple of days in a row. Again that is where I am different. I only got to see her for about 2 hours. The drive to the baby home was about 4 hours one way. Her region or state is very remote with only little villages along the road. I will get to see her before the court trip so I am excited and nervous all in the same.
6. Bonding and Attachment: Just a quick note here about this topic. I felt pretty unemotional at the first meeting because I wanted to be able to make a hard decision if I needed to make it. If I needed to walk away I needed to do it with as little impact to her as possible. As far as she knows or knew I was just another adult there for business. I was not called Mama or Mommy ever. My attachment to her has grown by leaps and bounds. Hers for me has not. Hopefully they are showing her my picture but I have to error on that they may not be showing it to her. So these next couple of months could be hard or easy I am not sure what lies ahead.
7. Trip # 2: This is the court trip. After you accept a referral you must leave the child. This sounds cruel but there are reasons behind it. More paperwork is filled out and submitted to the Russian government. These papers are then translated into Russian and sent to the Ministry of Education for that region. In some cases the region is close or easy to get to in others it is not. My region is remote to some degree and therefore it takes longer to get the paperwork there. I have been quited a time frame of about 1 month from the time the paperwork hits my agency until it gets to where it must go in Russia.
   
   The second trip is when you go to court and are either granted the right to be the parent or not or there is a delay. There is a 10 waiting period that is instituted after every court decision. She will stay in the baby home until that wait period is other. She will be there with the people she knows the best and with her little friends. I am not sad that she has to be there during that time (Okay a little sad). I am sad because I will not be able to visit with her because of how remote the region is. So this is where I have an option to come home or to stay. If I stay I will be in an area where there is very little for me to do for almost 2 weeks. I had thought about a vacation to somewhere else in Europe because I do love to travel in Europe but then a couple of things started to get me thinking. If I stay I will use PTO time, spend money, nothing will be done at home and in all honesty the only place I will want to travel is to a very remote town in Russia. So I have made the decision to come home.
8. Trip # 3: I will travel back to pick her up FOREVER! From my estimates I should be heading back to Russia around August 10th and headed for home around August 16th or 17th. During this trip I must obtain her new birth certificate, passport and court decree for her adoption. I will also need to take her to the U.S. Embassy so that she can be examined and more paperwork can be prepared for her arrival home. She does not become a U.S. citizen until she touches ground here in the U.S. She will have both a Russian passport and a U.S. passport.

Some regions are starting a 4th trip. From my understanding this is to complete the birth certificate and passport application. I am a littl unclear about this because this is not my region but I think the third trip for these parents is to organize the passport stuff. Then the wait for the passport is a couple of weeks so most parents go home and come back on the 4th trip to pick up there baby.

I hope I have outlined this so that all can understand. I think I am going to tell "the family" to read this too so that they know what to expect. I should be home with her if there are no glitches around August 17, 2009

Of Course I will!!!

I have gotten a number of questions about if I am going to blog while I am in Russia. The answer is a big fat YES! There are a couple of very practical reasons why I will blog in Russia and hopefully often. I am traveling alone. With the first trip I was unsure how easy it was going to be to call home. I told my Mother to read the blog daily and she would know that I was okay.

My family worries and that is not want I want them to do. I want them to be excited and share in my trip not pace and ring there hands or eat too many ring dings. 'Gerard put down the cookie!' or 'I don't want to hear a chorus of oh my belly hurts' after eating too many sweets. These are pretty usual statements in my house.

This trip I have booked an apartment that is equipped with a computer. It is a larger one then the one that I stayed in the last time. The airport I will use to fly to the region has an Internet cafe that I used the last time so I feel comfortable using the computer there as well. In the region I will stay again with my host family. They also have a computer that I can use. So unlike last time I will not be taking my personal lap top but I will have access so that is a relief. Less to carry is a good thing.

Also I know that I am able to access the Internet from my phone because I tried it out when I was there the last time. I did buy a charger for it while I was in Russia so I will not have to worry when I need to charge it.

No phone calls please while I am there BUT you can text message me. The text messages were not very expensive at all. It is very funny to see my Mother text so I may insist that she does it. I will be reserving my telephone calls to my phone for Gerard only. I will have a telephone while I am in the apartment but not at the host family's house, not enough privacy and I am a little goofy. I would hate for them to think I was disrespectful.

When I was in Russia the last time I will admit I had a hard time one night when I was there. My one friend got a number of crazy text messages and I hope that I will not feel that way again. Because of the way I sleep for work, sleep is a luxury it sounds silly but most night shift workers either sleep all the time or only get about 4-5 hours a day. Gerard and I are the 4-5 hour types. This was true even in Russia. I was so turned around that while in Russia I did go almost 4 days without any sleep at all. I was not very comfortable in the hotel and after I met Little Banana I had a hard time getting some stuff off my mind.

I also do not do well sleeping at others houses so not having been prepared to stay with a host family although this turned out to be one of my better memories of Russia I was not prepared for that surprise. This time I know ahead of time that I will be staying with the same family. I feel better prepared to do this so I feel that I may sleep better at there house then before.

One of my biggest comforts when I was sleepless was reading the comments from my blogger friends. When you are put in a situation where you can not read or understand what is being said around you it can be difficult. So expect that I will blog as often as possible.

PS By this time next week I should be getting on a plane bond for Russia! 7 Days to go!!

Almost 8 days to go

The past couple of nights I have stayed up getting things done. Some of what I have been doing is researching airline tickets, answering emails or paying bills. Last night I found myself waiting until after midnight to close done the computer. I am one of those people that likes to see the odometer on my car change from one number to something grand like 20,000 miles. I always think how amazing that I saw this happen. Crazy I know.

But last night I watched as my count down ticker switched from 10 until departure to 9 days and tonight it will inch even closer. I am finding it very hard to contain my excitement. I have so many things to get done and yet I am having a hard time concentrating. I have a few things to do still in her room and a very busy schedule. I had hoped to get more done this past weekend but honestly it was a washout of nerves and fears.

Now that I seem to have that under control I know that I will get everything that I need to get done finished before I leave on Friday (July 24). I have 4 nights off before I leave and if we are not busy at work I am going to volunteer to be on call. Who knows I might get lucky and get an extra night off.

I just can not believe this is happening. I sometimes have to remind myself that soon I will not be able to sleep until noon, which is perfectly acceptable when you work at night. I will have to plan out meals too. Believe it or not these are the things that I am looking forward to doing. My life is changing and I could not be happier. I know that there may be rough patches along the way but I am sure that I will be able to weather the storm so to speak.

I am closing one chapter of my life and opening a new one.

On the road again....Edited for Lynn

Now I just had a feeling that I was not finished with the DOCUMENTS. Who knew I needed a copy of my deed? Well I guess this is not a bad one to have to need because I know I can get it easily. So I am in the office waiting for it to be printed and off to Trenton.

I also spoke to the agency about my concerns and I have been told to put them to rest. So that is exactly what I have done. I am getting excited! It seems more real now that the plans are made.

Only 5 more days I have to work before I leave for Russia! Thank goodness for 12-hour shifts.

***Lynn, I am leaving on Friday the 24th. I could not find your email address to get back to you:)

Tickets Purchased!

I have taken the plunge! I purchased my airline tickets. This time I will fly out of New York City connect in Chicago then to Moscow. I will be doing the reverse on the return flight. Gerard called this morning and was a bit nervous that I had not already booked the tickets. When I told him that I was booking a flight that was not non-stop he was a bit upset but then I explained that I will be saving about 400 dollars, yes the flight is a bit longer but not by that much only 4 hours. There is that word only again.

He told me ONLY a direct flight when I bring her home. She needs to be home and able to walk around not on a plane flying here there and everywhere to save a couple of hundred dollars. I was planning on booking the direct flight for the 3rd trip but we will let him believe that this was his idea!

Details:
I leave LGA (New York City) on August 24 to ORD (Chicago) then depart Chicago later that day for Moscow to arrive in Moscow on July 25. I will fly to the region on the 27th or the 28th. Then it is back to Moscow for 1 night and homeward bound on August 1st.

Trip 3 details have not revealed themselves to me as of yet so I am still waiting to make the flight plans.

I looked into an apartment and think I have that squared away for this trip too. Two major things off my list!!!

2nd Annual Bon-Fire

It has been one year since I started making my friends do activities specifically so that I am amused for the day. Today was the first of 2 bon-fires that we have planned this year. I can not tell you how much I loved doing this with them. Especially today!

I love the beach and the only thing that makes it better is a fire on the beach. I was able to keep my mind off of everything that has been happening around here and it felt good for a change. I could not help but think how different things might be if she gets to come home with me and I get to be her Mother.

So here are the pictures of today's fun up until the thunder started to roll in.

I want to thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. These next 2 1/2 weeks can not go fast enough for me. I plan on staying busy, busy, busy just like a little girl I know.









Yes I did make him do all the work! He wanted to I meant he did.












Doesn't he make a handsome Mermaid?



Yes we encouraged her to dry off in the sand!

The verdict is in about my Family Medical Leave

Thursday I set aside time to deal with the Human Resources department where I work. At the urging of my blogger friends I made an appointment to talk to them about the amount of Family Medical Leave that I am entitled to take once Little Banana is home with me. Of course my biggest fear was that the amount of time that I would be allowed to take would be diminished because of my unlucky break.

Which by the way Thursday marked the close of my 17 week of waiting. I think I will change things up a bit and start counting down it is much shorter so as of this past Thursday I had 2 weeks and 1 day until I leave for Russia. Can not believe it is true but I do love the sound of it.

So back to my FML. As predicted I was WRONG! I really do not mind being wrong on this however because I found out YES I am entitled to my full 12 weeks, also know to me as 3 months leave, 36 days off, 432 hours of no work. I could go on but you get the picture. I do however have according to the rules have to use my vacation time but I already knew that so I have been preparing for the past couple of years. I managed to save up almost 500 hours so even better all of my time off will be paid leave.

What a relief. I just am in amazement how this is working out for me. I have more to be thankful for so hold on to your hats. 6 weeks of the 12 weeks are going to be paid for by the state. yes you read that right. In New Jersey as of July 1, 2009 we have paid leave from the state for the birth and or adoption of a child for the purposes of bonding. I will be paid a little less then what I currently make but I will be able to supplement the difference with vacation time. I figure this will save me close to 100 hours of vacation time that I can take at a later date.

Life is good! So the plan is I will take 6 weeks off after I come home to be with her then I will sprinkle (I love that word) the rest throughout the year so that I can ease into going back to work full time. I have to sit down and plot out what days I want on a calender that the Human Resources department gave me to have my director sign. That seems to be the only draw back is that I have to plot them out but hey I am still all good with that. So tonight I will be busy planning and plotting out what I think I will need off.

My Plan of Action

I wanted to let everyone know that tonight as I write this I am at ease. I have spent the better part of the day thinking about this situation and mostly attempting to find something positive about the what information I have learned.

First let me say that in no way do I blame my agency. I know this may be a hard statement to read for some but I actually am glad that I was given this information to reflect upon. In no way is this development their fault. This is just a bump in the road to remind me of why I have been chosen to adopt. Yes I say chosen because that is how I feel. Adoption is not for everyone. Thank goodness or I would have waited 5 or 6 years for a referral. So Shhhh do not tell anyone that adopting a child is a good thing and that these children are the best thing that has ever happened to adoptive parents. That is our secret! (please note the light heartiness in my voice because that is how I am feeling)

This afternoon I spoke with my agency representative and I have been told not to worry. That is easier said then done but I will do my best. My plan of action is this (I am a plan of action girl you must have a plan) I will prepare for court. How will I do so? I am going to finish her room, make a list of the clothing that I will bring with me, organize stuff that will be for donation and purchase the gifts that I want to give to the care takers who have cared for her all of her life. What do you get someone who care for you daughter for years? I will think of something I am sure.

A few of my blogger friends know the whole story because you have either gotten a crazy email or called on the phone I can not tell you how much I appreciate just knowing that so many are willing to lend an ear or send up a prayer for me. I am blessed beyond words.

I have found what is positive about this situation. Sometimes it can be hard to find and other times it smacks you square in the face. Tonight when I was on the telephone with a friend it hit me what was positive about this development. That is all I will say for now and it is there is something very positive that has happened and I will one day reveal what it is but not today.

Very simply put I am putting this is God's hands. This may sound lame to some but what other choice do I have. I believe that I have been put into many of these situations because I have that faith that this will work out. I believe that nothing happens by accident and there is a plan. Please rest easy tonight I am at peace.

I want to pass on a comment that a fellow blogger friend sent to me.

"Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God , who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6 Kim thank you so much I needed that right at the very time I got it.

There has never been a statement that is more true. I am replacing my fear with the thoughts that God will not fail me. Even if this adoption fails to be completed there is a reason and a purpose for each hardship. God does not want to see me upset or cry.

The next 14 days can not go fast enough for me. If I could get the court date moved up I would. Now the wait feels long but I am in this for the long haul. I do not want to be a fair weather Mother nor will I be.

Prayers Needed Fast! Very Worried

All I can say is this may all be falling through. I am doing everything on my end with the hope that it will not fall through but I am VERY uneasy with the information that I just recieved. I may have just lost her.

Looking back on the last 2 years

I know it may seem that I have been able to function without difficulty. I did have some difficulty however. Mostly they are things that only Gerard noticed. My house has been way less organized. Dishes not done every night, more then one load of wash to do and I could go on but I will spare you. I have an open floor plan so I think that everything should mostly be in its spot but I found that the most difficult. My mind has been too busy.

Trying to over come my need for her room to be perfect actually stopped me in my tracks. I had purchased very little to decorate her room. I was not able to get it to look the way I wanted it to look when I first started. When I thought I was getting a boy I had the whole room planned out in my mind on how I thought it would look. Little Banana's room has been a challenge because I was not really sure what I wanted it to look like. I think I am now on the right track.

I am not done with her room. I actually stopped working on it when I found out about my court date. Denial kicking in again. But I promise it will be done before I leave for my first trip. I will post pictures once I find that cord to transfer my pictures again things are not all in the right places.

The other thing that I am so not proud to say is my delay in writing my 'Thank you' notes. I am one of those people that like to come home and write out my 'Thank You' notes right away. The cast got in the way and once it was off there were so many things that I needed to do and writing was and is still a bit painful. This is on the top of my list for today.

Starting her baby book. I have had a couple of false starts but I am not happy with any of them. So that is on my list of things to do. I do not want to be one of those people who bought one and then never used it. My fear is that one day when I am old, gray (okay I am already gray) and unable to remember my name she will find her baby book and see that it was empty. How sad.

I do think that there is a lesson in this post. I could only handle certain things and other things fell by the wayside. Letting these few things fall, I was able to cope. There were some times when I really thought it would never happened. In all I am very surprised how I have learned to cope with the wait. If you had asked me 2 years ago how I would be acting if this took 2 years to complete I would have painted you a completely different story. I learned new strategies for dealing with my stress and somehow think that the wait was needed in order to prepare me for what is to come.

Today marks 2 years! I signed my first piece of adoption paper work 2 years ago. I was so nervous. The unexpected can be very scary and for me it was. I cried more in that first month then I have during the rest of the wait time. I have done my best to turn the negative into the positive and I hope that if there is someone out there that needs my advice this is the best advice I can give.

Find the positive in every situation. Things could be way worst then you could ever think to imagine. For every set back that I have had I assure you there was good behind it that I was able to find. Enjoy the process this is a once in a lifetime event as many events in one's life are. I laughed, joked and yes at times cried but I even enjoyed that part too.

Look what I bought!

To me is sounds crazy that I may leave Little Banana in the car in the hot sun by accident. I know that this is a big issue for the powers that be in Russia. Honestly I do not blame them in one respect because child have died in car seats because of this very reason.

I have thought about how I am going to handle this question if I am asked in court and I have come up with my answer. First of all I will be the only one driving her places. Why would she be with anyone else? I know that everyone's situation is different and I am not being judgemental but I want to be with her if not always then 99% of the time. Gerard has a truck that he uses for work and putting a car seat in there would be a pain. So the plan is she will always be in my car or as Gerard puts it Little Banana's car. Oh how I have fallen from my pedestal.

So I had heard that there is an alarm that will sound if a sensor that attaches to the keys is more then 15 feet away from the car seat. If is called a Child 'Minder Toddler Smart Pad Safety Seat Monitoring System.

Is it pricey you ask???
Yup! But now I have an answer to that question. I do not have to waiver or explain myself just the device and the guarantee that I will use it.

So what did Gerard think?

Well I bet you are expecting me to say that he is under the house hiding. Nope! Not this time. He is smiling, laughing and just plain talking about her all the time. For those of you who have met Gerard (okay none of you have actually met him, maybe just over the phone) he is quiet, really quiet and shy. I guess the old opposites attract is true. Me, not so quiet!

A very dear friend of mine Geralyn made me a DVD of all her pictures to music. Almost daily I have been watching this video. I think I have memorized every picture. I realized that there were more good pictures then I originally thought there were. I watch it sometime before I go to bed. The other night when Gerard was leaving I flicked it on not realizing that he was still there. After about 5 minutes I heard him. First I yelled at him for scaring me then I realized that he was watching her. His eyes were moist with tears. Did I mention he does not cry much and if you ask him he does not cry at all.

I so can not wait to see him look at her for the first time. He will pick us up from the airport when we come home (at least for today that is the plan). Yes he will drive to JFK a drive he strongly dislikes usually that is AM (his sister's job) but I know he will not want to miss this first meeting. Now when we drive in the car together he looks back at her car seat and says look she will be here soon! When I have felt defeated with the process he has been the one to jump start me.

I hate to say it but I think I love him more now then I ever did.

Week 17 has started! & Yes I have been holding out!

First of all I am finding work is getting in the way with blogging and just plain having fun.

This last week has been a bit odd. Yes, I have been holding out on everyone probably even myself if I truly think about it. There have been so many who have been praying for me and her and I did not feel right posting about other things until I wrote about this development. Last week during my weekly discussion with my agency I asked for an update, pictures, a weight report or news about a court date. Anything! I told them that I was worried that a court date was far away and that I was not feeling very comfortable about the wait anymore.

Well I got my anything! Last week I got what my agency has called a penciled in court date!!!!!! So what does that mean. Well I was not sure that is the reason why I have not mentioned it. I was told that this date could change but it does not seem that it has. I still do not have 100% confirmation about the date and that is the reason why I was reluctant and still somewhat are reluctant to post information about it. I hope to have more information early next week. I tried on Friday to get some more information but alas it is that holiday weekend.

So how do I feel about my anything you ask? EXCITED, ELATED, scared and a little worried but let me explain a bit. No two situations are alike and I am sure that everyone feels that theirs is strange or unusual. It actually took me a whole week to realize that I have a court date. I HAVE A COURT DATE! Gerard told me that he was quite confused by my response. I have walked around in a bit of a daze for the past couple of days. I felt very torn about talking about this date for my fear is that it will change.

I was going on the theory of if I say something then it will change and I really do not want it to change. I guess it is some level of denial, the last thing I want is for this date to fall through and for me to be disappointed not to mention that she would be away from me another day.

I did start to believe that this was the date until I sat down with my friend Lynn to plan this summer's 2nd Annual Amuse Joy Events. That is when I realized that juggling work, days to finish her room and prepare for my trips and Amuse Joy Events might be difficult but we do have them planned have no fear.

It was then that I realized at that moment that I HAVE A COURT DATE! I know delayed reaction which is actually making me laugh when I think about it. I am pretty sure that this is not how others have reacted. This is never how I thought I would react.

So here are the answers to the really big questions:

1.What is the date?
July 30, 2009

2. When do I leave?
I am not sure I was thinking July 24 or 25

3. What did the family say?
Well as soon as I tell them I will let you know. I know this sounds mean but honestly they will drive me crazy. I want them to enjoy the process and not stress that the date may change. I want to wait until it is really, truly confirmed before I tell them. If the date were to change then they would not understand. Honestly if the date changes then I will not have the energy to explain the reason why.

4. Will I make 1 trip or 2 trips?
My plan at first was to make 1 trip but that was before I broke my arm. Now saving my vacation time is even more important then it has been the last 3 years. So I think and I say think I have decided to make 2 trips so that I can work between trips.

5. Will I be traveling alone?
If you ask me today then the answer is yes at least for the 2nd trip. I will be traveling alone. I have made one trip on a plane since my cast came off and I did fine so for today that is the plan. This may however change because I am still a bit uncertain if I will want someone the 3rd trip. I think there are pros and cons to having someone come with me I just need to decide if the pros outweigh the cons.

6. How much time will I be taking off from work when she gets home?
This is still a little up in the air. Because of my broken arm I used quite a bit of my Family Medical Leave but because I went back to work early I am entitled to some time off, about 6 weeks. I do have some vacation time saved so I will plan some days off here and there through out the year.

So that is it. I can barely contain my excitement.

Beach Safety

I know I have been missing for the past couple of days. I have a good reason. My sister and her boys came out to visit. She volunteered to sew denim purses from recycled jeans for the fall festival at her son's school. The only problem is that she does not sew. I gave her a little bit of a crash course but I also understand that probably some of my summer will be dedicated to helping her to get these done.

I finished 4 purses, 3 aprons a couple of bracelets. I do have pictures but I can not remember where I put the cord for my camera. Yes, because the sewing has made my house a mess. I am very messy when I sew. I get so caught up in what I am doing there are miscellaneous threads and pieces of fabric all over. So I will post some pictures as soon as I clear things out a bit.




Which brings me to the title of this post. Beach safety is very important. Honestly I love the Jersey shore but the waves are a little rough. My nephews are 18 months and 6 years old. We took the to the beach the other day when it was nice. The first beach day of the year warm, sunny with a couple of big white clouds. The water was actually pretty warm too. So we went down to the water. I was holding Sloan (the baby) because that is easier then trying to save Aristotle if he gets knocked down because of my arm. I'm still not 100% about 98% but I am a safety girl so Jackie to charge of watching him.

Mind you we both were never farther then about 2 feet away from him. So we were talking and jumping ankle deep waves. Okay they were about 2-3 inches high when they got to us. Jackie was pointing out shells and picking them up. She save one from each beach day and writes the names of who when and the date on them. Which I think it pretty cute.

So with that my nephew looks at both of us stood there in amazement when he turned to us and said:

Aristotle: "I think you should be more concerned about making sure I don't drown then picking up shells!"

Okay that made me laugh because if we were any closer we all would have been wearing the same bathing suit!