Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dottie



Most of you who have read this blog for a while will know that my doggie is my first baby. Last year I became very concerned because she started to get sick. Dottie is a pretty spunky needy loving puppy. Yes even though she is almost 9 years old I still call her my puppy.

Last year I was told that she has congenitally small kidneys for her breed and a dog of her size. What does this mean? Well basically this means that she is not able to filter the toxins out of her blood well. Her kidneys dump protein and as many of you know protein is needed by humans as well as dogs to stay healthy. For Dottie the amount of protein that she can tolerate and still remain healthy is a very delicate balance.

In an attempt to keep her as healthy as possible she was put on a diet of pasta and cottage cheese which although it is work and actually a little pricey I do not mind for the most part. Okay I have not been really good about making her dog food in the past couple of months I would mix in regular dog food about half of the time but she has seemed good until last week.

May has never been a great month for her and her allergies. So I usually make her wellness appointment for the end of May beginning of June. Last Friday was her appointment. I came prepared with my urine and stool sample and they laughed and told me that I needed her urine and stool sample (Okay I am just trying to lighten this up a bit). Her blood was drawn as well.

I have gotten back the results and they are not good. Her BUN level is 65, creatitine level is 4.5 with 4+ protein in the urine and she is still anemic. So what does that mean? If she were a human we would be considering dialysis and blood transfusions but she is not. The plan for now is that her diet will change again and I am guessing it may be a bit more complicated. I am hoping it is something that I can make a large batch of and freeze.

So of course my concern is tell me what to look for because I will NEVER let her suffer in order to save me from feeling sad about losing her. You have to understand she is my baby, my sidekick and the one who is always next to me. So he told me to expect her to stop eating and drinking could be a couple of days could be a couple of months. Currently she has times were she goes a day without eating because she just does not feel well. Give her Pecid for the vomiting which is coming and going from time to time also.

I will be upset if she stops eating while I am in Russia. She really does not do well when I am gone for more then 3 days. She just waits by the door or sits on whoever's lap is available, keep in mind she is not small about 50 lbs, so the lap sitting is hard for those who are not use to this. Usually this is Gerard's Father's job and quite honestly I think he loves it.

As sad as this post may sound and I am sad at the thought of losing her I do think that this is God's plan and I will not be surprised if she goes more quickly. Even though Dottie is not aggressive I have worried how she would be with a little one walking around. I am trying to prepared myself for what will come and enjoy every minute that I have with her. I hope to get some more cute pictures of her with Gerard and I.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Guess what I got....

Made you look! I am so childish, really I'm sorry. No not a court date but I have a feeling one is on the horizon because as my Mother would say "A little blue bird told me so...." This would be what she would tell us when we were children and would wonder how she would know something that we thought she did not know. I can remember sitting there thinking how is that possible we are indoors.

Her other favorite saying was when we were crying she would give us a cup and tell us to collect the tears for the fishes. I do remember sitting on the floor trying to cry and catch the tears. Usually the tears would stop pretty fast. Wow and I off topic.

I got in the mail my new and improved I-171. My other I-171 expired on July 17. I was pretty sure that I would not make it to the U.S. Embassy before before then so I applied back in the end of April for an extension. Yesterday I got my new one in the mail. Yeah for me!!

I could not be happier today, really I know that sounds crazy but life is good and I am way less worried then I have been. Prayers are being answered believe me.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Week 15 is OVER!!!!!

For some reason I feel better that week 15 is over. Not that this was a bad week actually is has been a pretty good week but now in my mind I have reached a new milestone I am starting WEEK 16. Now from reading other blogs I have seen that this is where the wait for a court date starts to ramp up a notch. What I mean by this is that most fellow adopter start to hear news of a court date around this milestone also know as 4 month, 16 weeks, 112 days, 6720 hours, 403,200 minutes, only 24,192,000 seconds approximately.

I love the way that sounds and I am smiling as I write this post. I laugh every time I put the word only in from of something like that. In my mind it always makes it sound better. So I think this will be my new standard answer when someone asks me how long I have waited and laugh. Try the only trick sometime you will laugh.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Where is the letter G

Last night was my first night back to work since I broke my arm. I forgot how hard it can be to stay up all night long and here is the proof. We had a problem with a name crossing over from one computer to another. This is not an uncommon thing that happens so I know the drill. You call Bud and he fixes the problem.

I got my dialing finger out and called up Bud, yes his name is really Bud. I read off a list of names last then first. Here is an example of the names (Last names changed to protect their privacy)

Me: "Smith Daniel, Smith Danielle, Smith Erin. See Smith Girl is not listed!!"

Bud: "Joy we usually list them in alphabetical order so check farther down the list where the G's start." Honestly he said while laughing at me.

Me: "Oh there she is! I'm sorry I forgot where the letter G was located. Fine if you want to list them that way:-)"

Bud: "Joy if you are forget where any other letters are located call me back I might be able to help!"

Being off has been hard on my brain. Now I hang up the phone and my friends at work are on the ground laughing. They were uncontrollable. We laughed about it for the rest of the night.

I probably should not post this in case someone in Russia reads this because how will they approve me to be her Mother if I do not know my ABC's. I better start to practice the song again. I wonder if that is a question I will be asked in court?

**I promise pictures of the room are coming.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The room is painted

The room transformation has started! I have to tell you this past week all of a sudden I felt like I needed to get her room together. The room that I have chosen for her is the smallest bedroom in the house but the closest one to my bedroom and the spare bath.

I thought initially that I would leave her room the soft butter yellow that it was originally painted but after closer inspection I could see that the walls needed to be freshened up. I feared that I would not be able to physically paint the room. I'm the painter he is not. Actually he would rather do anything that paint.

So the other night in an attempt to limit extra work I wanted to pick out the right color the first time. See my painting theory is if you do not like the color the first time then just re-paint it, who cares. Eventually you will find the right color. But because of my arm I wanted it right the first time.

I picked out 3 different colors: cream, silver green and mint green. In the store I liked the mint green the least but I still thought it might look nice. So I made a story board of the 3 colors and the one that I thought I would like the most (silver green) I actually liked the least. The one that I thought I would like the least (mint green) I like the most. Lets face it the cream is beautiful but as my sister would say it is a safe color. She has all her life to have a cream room. As my nieces say white is not a color and that cream is really close to white.

Let the painting begin. I was able to cut in everything and roll out the 2 small walls. Gerard, as much as he dislikes to paint, painted the 2 big walls. I am hoping to get time to touch up some of the trim. I'm making progress.

Funny Things Happen at T@rget

The funniest things happen in T@rget. The other day I was in T@rget looking at a registry and so one walks up and asks me 'Where do I find draw pulls?' Good thing I know T@rget like the back of my hand.

A couple minutes later someone else walks up and asks about something else but I had no idea where the idem was located. I got a pretty funny look and the person walked away ticked off. I was thinking WOW that is rude.

So now I am in the aisle collecting everything that I wanted and I get a tap on the shoulder. Again someone was asking where something was located. I kept thinking this is crazy do I have a sign on my back saying 'Ask me!' Well I guess I did. I looked down and saw that I was wearing the token red shirt and tan pants.

So last night when I went for my weekly I mean every other day trip to T@rget I was again minding my own business looking at new dishes. This woman walks up to me and says 'Your a Mother. What do you think about these for a teacher gift?'

It was so matter a fact that she thought I was a Mother that it felt a bit odd. We started to talk a bit about what would be a good teacher gift. I did not tell her that I really am not a mother yet. But by the end of the conversation I felt better about the thought that I did not tell her that I am not really a true mother yet or am I?

On paper sometimes things appear so neat and clean. Once the court says that I am her Mother that is it I am her Mother at least on paper. When will I know her cry, her favorite things to eat or whether or not she sleeps with or without a blanket. I know the answer...time. I wonder when the day will come that I will only feel like her Mother not a part-time pretender.

Today she turns 21 months old.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I did remember!

I remember a number of years ago the first Father's day after my Father died I worked all day and was a bit sad. I came home from work and Gerard had ordered Chinese food for me to eat. I sat on the floor at the coffee table eating my rice and I started to cry. He looked at me and was a afraid to ask why I was crying because he already knew the answer. He sat there and watched me cry and told me that everything would be okay one day.

I can remember sitting there thinking I will never be able to celebrate another Father's day or any other holiday for that matter without him. I will say most holidays are very hard for me especially my birthday. Gerard has missed out to some degree because of my lack of participation in holidays. He has told me that with Little Banana coming all that will change. It seems funny and a bit out of character that I really do not participate in holidays or birthdays for that matter.

My first Mother's day was hard spending it without Little Banana and with a cast instead. But Gerard made sure I had a card and a flower too. I have been a bit nervous that I would miss Father's Day just because my brain does not think that way. Have no fear I did not forget! I had a hard time finding the right card but I did manage to get the perfect one. I also found this great little board book titled 'Where is Daddy?' You can even put a picture in the spot for the daddy. So I thought it was perfect. I am sure that he will love it.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Look what I found


I can not believe that I have never posted this picture. Yesterday when I was going through my phone I found the picture of myself that I had someone take when I was on the plane for my first trip. Not looking too shabby for being on a plane for almost 11 hours.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Week 14 is DONE!

In an attempt to stay busy and remain in a calm state yesterday I planned yet another road trip. Gerard is lovingly threatening to take away the keys to my car. But I do realize that I do need to buckle down and get things done. I really am trying my best to stay positive and I will explain that is a different fun post.

So 2 weeks ago when I was out shopping because with the cast that was about all I could do. I was in Delaware and walked into a William and Sonoma store which I love to look in. I happen to be a Top Chef addict. Okay I admit that I have a problem. I REALLY love Chef Tom Colicchio. To my surprise he was going to be signing his book in Philadelphia on June 17th so I thought I am there. I am way better when I am busy. The busier the better. I am way worst when I am sitting still.

When I woke up yesterday I was unsure if I was going. Then Gerard called me to ask when I was leaving for Philadelphia. Funny how well he knows me. He told me "I will never hear the end of it if you do not go to meet him!" So I jumped up and got dressed and even put on the make-up. Do not tell Gerard but I even brought out the "big shoes" known to the rest of the world as dress shoes with a heel. After I fell and broke the arm I was banned from wearing anything but flats or sneakers. Don't tell him PLEASE! I did bring walking shoes too just in case.

I actually got to have quite a long conversation with the Chef about just about everything. Okay not true but we did talk about adoption and he told me about friends of his who had adopted from Kazakhstan. He told me he fell in love with the little girl and wished me luck.

I am glad that I did because after the book signing I decided I had not seen the Liberty bell since I was a kid. So for 5 dollars I got a pass to get on and off the tour trolley all day.

The first stop was the Rodin Museum. I love art of all kinds and it actually evoked memories of when I was in Paris. Then it was off to the Philadelphia Art Museum so I could run up the steps like Rocky. Okay fine I admit I had the trolley drop me off at the top. While at the top I did feel the need to yell "ADRIENNE" and yes for anyone who has met me in person I did yell it and I was stared at but it did make me laugh.

When I was done running down the stairs okay I walked briskly. I jumped on the trolley and was off to see the Liberty Bell. You must see the Liberty bell that is just one of those things that you have to do. Just like you have to see the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Cannon and the Space Needle. Next on my list is the St Louis Gateway Arch.

I wrapped up the day with an original cheese steak at the birth place of the cheese steak (Pat's Cheese Steaks). I was lucky to be able to talk with a friend while I was finding parking, yes a pull in spot because I can not parallel park, yes I have a hands free system. She made me feel so much better. Today I feel energized with only positive energy and hope. Everything will work out for the best. I just know it will. Something positive will happen!


Can you believe that I forgot my camera!! Lucky for me I had my cell phone. Here are some of the pictures that I took.









Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ekaterina and a small box of concern

In the short time that I spent at the agency on Monday I actually acomplished more then I thought I would have. When I was in Russia visiting Little Banana for the first time I got the very unique opportunity to meet some of the children who will be participating in the Hosts for Hope program that my agency sponspers.

One child in particular really caught my attention because I actually got to sit down and talk with her and kind of get to know her. This experience was completely different then meeting my little Banana for many reasons. The child's name was Ekaterina and she was 14 years old. I considered adopting this child as well but after much thought, consideration and lot of prayer I thought that was best for me was to not adopt her. Please understand that I was crushed when I realized that I probably could not handle both little banana and Ekaterina.

Some where in the back of my mind I had a dream that I would somehow be able to make this happen. Perhaps after little banana was home for a couple of months. I also dreamt that perhaps someone I knew would be interested in adopting her as well so that I could have some contact with her. I know that this sounds strange but she has never left my thoughts and prayers.

Which brings me to why I asked about her again when I was at the agency this week. I usually check out the waiting children for my agency at least once a week. I was comforted to see that Ekaterina was connected with a Host family for the summer program. This past weekend a reader asked me why Ekaterina was off the waiting list? I was not aware that she was off the list.

So when I was at my agency one of my questions was of course what happened to Ekaterina. To my surprise she is off the list for a VERY good reason. She is going to be fostered by a Russian family. This is the best possible situation for Ekaterina because when I spoke with her she was not really sure that she wanted to be adopted in the United States. I am sure that she was worried about the language barrier among other things. I feel like my prayers for her have been answered. I can not tell you all who have prayed for her how thankful and blessed that I have so many who were willing to take a minute and pray for her. This is a wonderful thing!!

Now for my situation I also got some news that there may be a Russian family who could be interested in Little Banana. My agency has tried to reduce some of my fears. I hope to know more in the next couple of weeks because my coordinator is away until next week.

Please I fully understand that she is not my child yet. I know that if she is placed with a Russian family who loves her I then that is God's plan for her. I will rejoice in the fact that she has a 'mommy' to tuck her in, someone to kiss her boo-boos and keep her safe. Having her placed with a loving family be it Russian or American is in her best interest and that is what I am most interested in for her. Will I love her forever? YES! Will she always be in my prayers? YES!

As for my feelings I am a bit worried. I have a small box of concern about this situation. I was told to keep preparing for her because the agency does not believe that the Russian family will take her but how does one prepared for the arrival of a little girl and protect your heart from being hurt if the little one does not come.

Monday, June 15, 2009

What a fast paced trip

I had to turn the keys to the PT pincher over and I have made it through security. The last 24 hours have been great and I actually can say that I really enjoyed my time here in Michigan. I woke up early this morning around 5:30am and started my trip to Jenison which is close to a 3 hour drive from where I was staying. I can now mark it down in my book of experiences that I drove 98% of the way across Michigan.

The 98% is for Gerard who usually starts to laugh at me because I am usually pretty good with most projects up to the 98% mark. I just felt like I was cutting it close on time. I am actually very glad I went start to the airport because the GPS took me to the wrong airport on the first try! Okay I will admit it I did not know the name of the airport that I was flying out of. I did know however that at was at the wrong airport because basically it looked closed.

I will admit that New Jersey has nothing on Michigan. Where else can you go to get the state seal placed on your documents and get them back in 15 minutes. Only if I had more time! The office where the documents get the apostille is in a mall. I did celebrate with a Krispy Kreme and a big fat diet coke.

I dropped the documents off to the agency who I have a feeling so still somewhat surprised to see me in the flesh. I am glad that I went at least I know for fact that they are where they need to be. I have to tell you if I were to do this again (by the way I am not) I would done as much of the dossier as possible here in one trip.

I do have more news and no it is not a court date but I will post that tomorrow after I have had more time to think about how to word it.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Pot of Gold at the end of the Rainbow

What a day!! First let me tell you I have wheels and I am extremely lucky. I will keep this as a don't ask don't tell ding-dong moment!! Here they are a brand new PT Pincher as we lovingly refer to them. We came up with that game as a variation of the punch buggy game back when there were less punch buggies on the road.


Can you believe I come to Michigan and so many of my Michigan buddies are in Russia!!! This is great news and I will keep them all in my prayers. Even though they are in Russia that has not stopped me from pestering them.

So once I landed in Michigan my cell phone went ring-ring-ring. So of course I answered and guess who was on the other end??? Amy!!! She had some plans and but that did not stop me from barging in to say hello. I got to meet some of her neighbors and family at a graduation party that I crashed for a beautiful very smart young girl.

We got to spend some time just hanging out which was great. Amy is home with her daughter a little over 2 months. Little T is so full of energy and spunk which I love! I find it so amazing that even though her daughter has been home for a short while she does not venture far from Amy. It was great to see. She kept coming back to only Amy for affection, attention and just plain old wanting to tell her "stuff." Little T is a dog hunter she loves to follow but not too closely. What a little sweetheart. Amy thanks for hanging around with me today. I had a great time!

I remember my first blogger meeting with Adrienne, Jim and Owen, even my second and third meeting were great! Amy was telling how cool it was that we got to meet in the flesh and I was telling her about how exciting it was when I got to meet Adrienne and then I got a Ring-Ring-Ring on my phone. You guessed it Adrienne is on her way to the hospital because Miss "A" is in labor!!!! Amy and I were both so excited.

Please pray that Miss "A" has an easy, pain controlled labor and a healthy delivery of the little man. Send a prayer up for Adrienne, Jim and Owen that they may feel God's love during this very special time.

Signing off with some pictures.

I got to see Lake Huron today hopefully I will be able to fit in Lake Michigan in tomorrow. I almost forgot on my drive back to the hotel I followed the rainbow most of the way. I think this is a sign because there is always a pot of gold at the end on the rainbow.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Road Trip ***Edited with exciting deals***

My flight leaves Sunday morning at 9:20 am. No not to Russia to Michigan. It is a really long story but to put it simply some of the documents that I spent traveling back and forth to Trenton 8 time in the past 2 week (a 2 hour drive one way and $20.00 per document) have not made it to the agency.

So rather then taking the time to redo them in New Jersey I have booked tickets to Michigan. It may sound crazy but it will actually be cheaper, easier and faster to get them done in Michigan then to do them in New Jersey. So I will arrive in Michigan on Sunday afternoon and leave on Monday evening. I am not leaving Michigan without completing these documents. I am trying to be part of the solution rather then part of the problem. Good things happened the last time I was in Michigan so I am hopeful

So that is my road trip. For those of you in Michigan what is fun to do on a Sunday evening???

***Road trips are always interesting ask me why? I forgot my current drivers licesne at home. Lucky for me I have an expired one that will get me on the plane. I will figure got the deals when I arrive in Detroit. I never thought I would say this but in Russia I never have to worry about this because I have a driver. Oh what I would not give to have a personal driver all the time.***

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Verdict is in!!

Life is good!! This morning I wished, hoped and prayed that my doctor's appointment would go well. The verdict is in!! No cast! No splint! I am still in pain but the doctor feels that this is because of stiffness. So I have been given some exercises to do with the hopes that this will help me to become less stiff.

For the past week I have been busy getting the hot tub water changed and ready for me if the cast was to come off. The job that usually takes me a couple of hours took a couple of days with a cast. So tomorrow night when I get back from my sisters house it will be ready to go and so am I.

Thank you all for being so supportive of me the past 5 weeks. Honestly I am surprised that I was able to make it through. There were a few days there that I was thinking about taking the cast off myself or at least cutting a hole in it to scratch. I am past this hurdle and I could not be happier.

This weekend will prove to be a busy one tonight I have to baby sit for my sister and Sunday I have a road trip planed. Details to come.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

13 weeks of waiting over on to week 14!!

I know I have been somewhat of a slacker this week but I honestly have gotten a few things done. On the adoption home front I know that some of my papers have or are being reviewed. I did have to change on document so I made another trip to Trenton early this week. I really think this is a good thing or at least that is how I am taking it. To me this means that my paperwork is being looked at so who knows I could be close.

As far as the arm well it still hurts. I have been sleeping better and I am fearful that my night shift ways are long gone. The transition back to work may be hard because I really do like getting up early and getting to bed early. Sleeping with this cast is hard but in the last week I have had more success getting comfortable through the night.

Tomorrow I go to the doctors to see how the healing is progressing. Most of my friends are laughing at me because I have it in my mind that once the cast comes off it will be just like it was. My nephew Aristotle looked at my cast last night and asked if it will ever come off or do I have to keep it forever? 6-year-olds are so cute. I told him that I am hopeful that it will come off and stay off on Friday.

The sweet little boy told "Do not be sad if the doctor wants it to stay on for another couple of days, okay he is the doctor and he knows what he is talking about." His name really does suit him well. He is quite a thinker and some times a stinker.

So as life would have it this week has been pretty good both with adoption activity and the potential removal of my cast.

Monday, June 8, 2009

A funny thing happened on the way to my adoption

First of all I want everyone to send up a pray for a friend of mine who is in Russia and the court date has been pushed back. I promise I will get back to her in a minute.

I can say that I have always believed in God. I am not really sure when I first started to believe because I was a small child. I remember once playing with perfume behind the couch and I was pretending to be the Priest who was preparing the communion and wine in church. For me that is a very vivid memory perhaps because I understood the importance of communion or the smell of the perfume but I am sure now that it was because the 'wine' or perfume tasted really bad.

In my teenage years I can not say that I had a strong connection with my spiritual side. I know that when I went to college (Catholic college) I was chased by Nuns to make the weekly mass at the beginning but towards the end of the first semester I started to really enjoy the services and actually felt like I needed the services to make it through nursing school.

Fast forward to September 2007, silly me thought an international adoption was just a matter of filling out some paperwork and waiting for a call. Needless to say I learned quick that this was so not the case. I laugh at how funny it is that I was worried about my home study. Thank goodness I started this blog.

During this journey praying has become an almost non-stop part of the day. Not only for myself but for so many who have reached out to me and waited with me. Not that long ago (January 2009) I was flying to Detroit with my personal box of worry that I had already opened up.

I was so upset after the agency meeting in January the next day I was going to the agency to sever my relationship with them. On my drive to the agency this woman who is in Russia talked me off the ledge. I was done! I was just going to go about my life childless. I am not sure if this woman knows just how much apart of my adoption story she will be. She is the reason why I waited to hear what my agency said before I cut them loose.

Today I met up with someone who I had not seen since I was about 9 years old. This lady asked me how I was and to my surprise I told her that I was blessed and that I was thankful for my challenges.

I think for me even though I have had to wait a crazy amount of time in my opinion it was part of God's plan. I needed to grow. That is the facts. Just as I really feel that it is God's plan for her that she will make it through this hard time and she WILL hold her baby.

So I ask.....

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Okay this is how I have been spending my mornings

since I have been home at night for the past couple of weeks my sleeping pattern is somewhat back to what most would call normal. Sleep when it is dark and awake when it is light. I happened to stumble upon a TV program in the morning called RT or Russia Today. The program that I have been watching features different regions. Many of the regoins are ones that I recognize because many have adopted from them.

So this morning after the program I did a search and actually found a different program on Youtube. I found a 4 part series of Chuvashia Republic highlighting Cheboksary the capital (also the city where I stayed when I was there)

Here are the links
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

Friday, June 5, 2009

12 weeks down

A s I write this post I am thinking back to one of my other weekly count down posts that I really had fun writing. I have to say I like to think about how far I have come on this journey. As a person who loves concrete numbers and percentages I just end up thinking like that for just about everything including this wait.

So in the spirit of one of my favorite count down posts here goes:

If my wait is to be 24 weeks then my wait is half over; I know I can do another 12 weeks.

If my wait is to be 20 weeks then I only have 8 more weeks to go; plenty of time to get things done.

If my wait is to be 16 weeks then I really better start getting things done fast because I will only have 4 weeks to work some magic.

Life is good. The time that she and I have spent apart will not even come close to the amount of time we will have together for she has and will always have my love.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Less worried and court update

Last week I was perplexed as to should I spend some time worring about the things that I needed or to just let it flow. I will admit I worried like heck. My home study agency's license had expired and there was some discussion about where or not they would be re-issued a new license. Apparently, there was some paperwork that they did not complete prior to their application for renewal. So I am sure you all understand my concern.

All I could think is I have come this far and the thought of needing a new home study from a different agency was blowing my mind. I have to say I kept my head and by the grace of God the license came through and I took it to Trenton yesterday.

Last night I worked onmy Petition to Adopt and have just gotten word back that I need to get it notaried and the apostile done as well. So I am glad that I will be driving to Trenton to pick up the other paper work today because I can drop this stuff off.

I have my thoughts that this is something that should have already been done and I pray this will not hold up the court date. I did speak to my coordinator and she told me not to expect a court date before the end of June which will put me at just over 4 a month wait.

I know that some would find comfort in this but honestly it made me ill to think about it. I started to tear up but I understand that I have little control over any part of this process. I was better when I thought the call could come at any minute. I feel like my hopes have been daashed. I keep seeing a pattern that I have to feel like I am just about ready to throw up before each major step.

I am trying my best to stay positive and look at the bright side of this wait. So here goes:

1. Perhaps my arm will be healed
2. It should be beautiful and warm in Russia during the summer time
3. Oh I will still have time and the ability to start her room. I had a vacation planned so that I could focus just on that but the arm changed the plan. Now I hope that I will be able to enjoy every minute of decorating it for her. But much to my dismay there is nothing done in her room. I may have to have some friends over to help out.