Quick Post I Promise

Wow I have been long winded! I just wanted to thank everyone for their concern about Dottie. She is about the same except I have not been peed on since the last time. I have an appointment for her on Thursday that is the first that they could get her in I guess because she is not acting like she is in pain. I ususally have to take her in May anyway because she has allergies and she will need a steroid shot soon. We think she is allergic to pollen because every may she turns pink.

I did give them my cellular number and I am on the will call list. That is the one good thing about working nights. I am home everyday. If someone cancels they will call me. I am only about 10 minutes from that Vet's office so I will be able to make it in if there is a cancellation.

Okay one quick thing when ever I am waiting for something anything lets fill in the blank with an adoption referral and I want to call my coordinator to just say 'Hi I'm still here." I put in a few road blocks because basically I would be calling her everyday. So last week I decided that I will call her on Monday just to say "Hi." So I just got up and was checking emails and finishing up on some school work.

Well I got an email from my coordinator. No not a referral but just a note saying "Hi, I know you are still there and call me if you have any questions." Okay I have not called her because really I do not have any questions other then the obvious but somehow I just feel better. I know that just sounds crazy but I am going to go with that at least until tomorrow.

I've Been Tagged!

I have been tagged by Heidi Lee.

Rules:
Here are 6 random things about yourself that are a little quirky or unusual.
Tag 3 other people and let them now that they have been tagged.

1. I have memorized all my major credit card numbers. I have to say that I never realized that I had most of them memorized until I was at the Home Depot one day and I was trying to return something. I had forgot my purse at home with the receipt. Well Home Depot is pretty good about returns and if you do not have your receipt they will look it up if you have your credit card. I knew that I had used the one credit card to purchase the tool so I asked her "If I do not have the credit card but I know the number can you look it up still?" Well yes she could I told her the number and the tool was returned. She was impressed and honestly so was I.
2. Any thing hot! I love to eat anything that is really hot. I put hot sauce on everything. I love hot peppers and have been known to eat a whole jar and not shed a tear. Gerard eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I have peanut butter and hot pepper sandwiches. Yum.
3. I have a phobia of new upholstered furniture. When I bought my first house I was 20 years old. Of course I wanted new furniture to fill the rooms so I went to a very nice furniture store and purchased a living room set. The day before the furniture was delivered I fell out of my bed and broke my foot. (Yes I was alone in the bed pre-Dottie years) The furniture was delivered and I was sitting on the new chair with my foot up and hurting after a couple of minutes hoards of mice started coming out of the couch. I could not move fast (Broken foot and all). This freaked me out. I returned the furniture and we lived with 6 all wood dining room chairs for about 3 years. Now I pull any new furniture apart before I sign for it to check for mouse droppings.
4. I mow random patterns in the lawn. I love to mow the lawn but it usually starts out as a crop circle. Once you are finished it all looks the same so it does not bother me but Gerard saw me do this and he freaked out. He has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder diagnosed by me of course. He never realized that was how I mow the grass. He is a little bit like Monk on TV with things being even. I personal think it is a hoot. I love to tell him that children are more like me then him. He just shakes his head.
5. I love to gamble. I love to play craps. I really thing it is because I love statistics and probability more then the losing of money. It is really funny because usually it is me and 15 older men who are 65 and up playing.
6. My weakness is McDonald's chocolate chip cookies. I love them. No other chocolate chip compares. I would rather have one of these cookies then any other cookie.
   
   Stacy, Teresa and Christine tag your it!

I Believe in Co-Sleeping At least With Dottie!!

First of all I have a very small bit of adoption news. No referral but I did get back my FBI fingerprint clearance and just as I suspected No arrests! I also had the NJ State police clearance fingerprinting down yesterday. So mark them off my list. Well I do not think I should do that because like I said I think I have jumped the gun on getting them done and I honestly think they will expire before I need them but who cares whats a little more money spent.

Okay not to freak to many of you all out but I believe in co-sleeping, with my dog at least!! Well every morning when I get home from work Dottie and I have a little routine. She gets fed outside to for a quick run around the yard and a few pets then to bed. Pretty easy routine.

See because Dottie is my first dog I really had no idea what to do with her and it made me a little crazy to think she was just roaming around the house while I was sleeping. So we co-sleep. Gerard is never home at night either and we sleep at opposite times so it has never been a problem. Scratch that up until this week!

Monday I woke up at 3:pm and she was still asleep. I thought to myself that is weird she did not get up to go to the bathroom this afternoon. Until I realized she peed the bed. Oh what fun! So I cleaned it up and felt a little sorry for her because she did not even know she did it.

Which brings me to today. No I did not learn my lesson we are still co-sleeping. Guess what happened today?? You guessed it she peed the bed again. So now I need some advice from those of you who have dogs she is about 8 years old and this is all new. I am not being a freak if I call the Veterinarian to have her be seen right? I just worry about her so much because like I said I never had a dog and even though I have had her for many years I still second guess myself.

**Disclaimer** I DO NOT believe that it is safe to sleep with an infant in the same bed without a safety device. I have had to attend more that one incidence in the ER where I had to code an infant that a parent rolled over on while sleeping. This past Christmas Eve was the last one and she was 2 weeks old. None of these children survived!!

No Adoption News--Just My Thoughts

I have to say this week has been a good week. I have not heard anything but somehow I get the feeling that my time is not too far away. I can say that I before many of my blogger friends got the call I would get a weird feeling that the call was coming.

Okay Now do start thinking I am too weird but I really have felt that way and yes I know that each of us are going to get a call. So any way I have that feeling again but this time it is even more strong then it has ever been.

I have read so many wonderful posts lately. I think that sharing the feelings that we are each feeling at different points in this journey has been really helpful for me. I think next week I am really going to sit down and make an honest list of things that I need to do before the call comes. I find that I work so much better from a list.

So here is my list of lists that I need to make

1. Things to do before the call
2. Things to buy for the room
3. Things to pack for trip one
4. Things that need to be copied to take with me
5. General things to do list

And I am sure that I will find a whole lot more to put on this list once I am done with the list. One thing that I have decided is I think I am going to take a small vacation maybe even use a PTO day. For those who know me that is a big deal. I have been saving them for when the Little one comes but I think a little rest and relaxation is in order. Plus the weather is getting to nice to be cooped up in the house.

I'm Not the Only Hysterical Woman in My House!!

Dottie's Baby

Let me start out by saying thank you to everyone who sent me kind words after my last post. I think sometime the stress makes me a little edgy. I am much better today I think because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel in this class. I will be done with this class in 2 short weeks.

I have no adoption news to report and I expect that I will not have any to report in the next couple of weeks. From what I understand part of May is a holiday in Russia. I really do not know which part is the holiday. I have only heard that for about 2 weeks in May the MOE closes up shop.

I am planning a 2 week break after this class to catch up on things that I have let go while I was in school. I would love to have everyone over but the house is a mess so not this week. Spring cleaning is on my horizon. Everything will be deep cleaned and I will be able to relax some.

So know on to the title of this post. Some times I feel bad for Gerard because he has Me and Dottie to deal with daily. When I am not being demanding she is even more demanding. This is the first dog that I have owned. We had family pets but that does not seem the same to me. Dottie never any farther then about 3 feet away from me the entire time I am home.

Traveling is difficult because when I am gone for more then 3 days she paces and sits by the door waiting for me. You would think that the minute I walk in from a vacation that she is very happy to see me well NO she is not. I swear she gets mad at me for being gone too long.

I never leave her with anyone that she does not know usually my mom or Gerard's parents. They spoil her but to her it is not the same. This does have me a little worried but I will deal with that when the time comes.

Dottie has a puppy. No not one that I feed but a stuffed one. I could never take care of more then one dog like her. She drags this puppy around the house and even out for a breath of fresh air. But lately she has been taking EVERY where she goes. I guess this is a result of us talking about the baby in front of her. Anytime I start worrying about attachment Gerard just points to Dottie and says "I think you will be just fine."

Here are the latest pictures of the stinker and her baby.

So Many Things Remain Undone

I am a big calendar freak. I carry one with me and write down everything in it. I even carry past calendars with me for up to 2 years. This is one of my crazy characteristics coming out. I like to have things planned ahead.

This past week I got news that my adoption coordinator's father died. From the email that she sent it sounds like it may have been sudden. I am a little worried for her because I do not want her to have to rush right back to work. Please pray for her and her family.

My dossier is in Russia being translated I do not believe that it is done yet. I think it will take another couple of weeks (2-3 weeks). According to my calendar (HAHAHA) I should be getting a referral sometime in June.

I do not know what is happening to me. Last night and this morning I was sitting here thinking about when the little one comes and I started to get a little anxious. I am worried about the strangest things. I think this has to do with amount of pressure I put on myself and maybe because I have a really big school project that I must finish by today. (95% done).

I am scheduled to start my next class in 2 weeks and this class will be 6 weeks long (ending on June 9, 2008). I know that this is a crazy worry but I am worried that I will get the referral in the middle of my class. That is not even the problem because I take all my classes on the internet.

Here is the problem. I am stressed because of all the perfect little things that I have not done in order to prepare for my baby. The list is very long.

• Finish Handmade quilt (started about 8 years ago for my baby)
• Finish other quilt for general play and usage
• Baby Book (One that is special maybe even a handmade scrapbook)
• Paint and decorate the room (Gerard and I have always agreed not to have an unused nursery)
• Make a Christening Gown
• Think of gifts to bring to Care givers
• Pack
• Purchase tickets
• Find accommodations
• Work
• Worry enough

I guess the wait and not knowing when the call will come is starting to killing me today. I am trying my best to stay positive but I fear I am slipping into negative territory. I am very happy for everyone for has gotten their referrals because they have made a family with the baby that was chosen for them. Honestly reading the updates about preparing rooms, finishing up on the needed paperwork and making the arrangements usually calms me down. Seeing the pictures of everyone’s little ones well that is a totally different set of emotions.

I do not want to sound too bazaar but I am nervous about one of two things. First that time will pass so slowly, even though up to now it has not. But even worst that the time will pass so quickly that I will have wasted my free time writing papers and reading textbooks that I will not be able to get the things done that I have always wanted to have done before the baby comes. I am only getting one shot at this with the price of adoption we will not be able to afford a second child. I will put these thoughts and feelings in God's hands. I have no need to rush the time away right now I will save that for in between trips. I also have no deadline to finish these last 2 classes before the baby comes. I think I just might need a break from school.

I will know more in the next couple of days I think once my thoughts and emotions settle down. I planned on waiting to call my coordinator until next week to see if there is any new information about my dossier. On second thought maybe I just need more caffeine. I have been trying to cut back and maybe this is not the right time.

Baby Books??

I can not believe that I am only just really starting to think about this now. I the past 10 years I can honestly say that I have critiqued thousands of baby books. When I am in the delivery room part of my job is to foot print the baby. I have to say it has taken me many years to get really good foot prints in a baby book.

I have found myself looking through the books and thinking "I like that one or I hate that one or How come she has not filled any of this out yet?" One constant that I have noticed was that none of these baby books are set up for adoption. In the past couple of years I have also taken care of many children who were being placed for adoption. I have stopped taking these patients until my adoption is complete because I need to stay impartial. You would think that I would have seen at least one book that was geared towards an adoptive family but I have not.

So yesterday I thought I was really smart and I took myself to the local Hallmark store to buy a baby book for me one that focuses on my adoption. I would show you a picture of the one that I bought but I could not find one. Well to make a long story shorter I started to look on the internet for one but I am one of those crazy people that like to touch a book before I buy it. Crazy, crazy, crazy I know but I think this is one of the first times that I have really not felt "normal" because my choice is to adopt.

So today I will try to make a decision and buy a baby book even if I can not touch it first. I want to make sure that the whole book is filled out, no blank spaces or sheets, pictures included. I do not know what I would do without the internet to find these special things that I want for the little one. I am guessing that once the little one comes I will have no time to fill in the book so this task is officially on my list of things to do.

Many Things Will Change

I have been thinking about all the things that are going to change once the little one get here. Right now Gerard and I are classic work-a-holics. We have crazy sleep schedules, eating schedules and times that we do the ordinary things. I remember back when we both worked during the day. We would be in bed by 9 pm and up and out by 7 am. There are times when I miss those days. Then there are times when I love working the night shift because I can be more available during the day when family visits.

One thing that I have been working on is trying to eat dinner everyday. Okay stop laughing because this is actually more difficult then it sounds. Usually Gerard and I both eat when we are at work closer to 1 or 2 am. Besides my crazy eating schedule I love to eat crazy things like lots of hot peppers the hotter the better and sour things that must be why I pretty much always have lemons in the house. Gerard likes everything bland, bland and more bland. At times this makes whipping something up for dinner very difficult.

Some what does a little one eat? This is my question. I figure there diet is a little more like Gerard's diet and less like mine. I have started to make some dinners that may sound a little crazy but they are really not bad and very quick to make. I take the components of some of our favorite things cook them separately then freeze each piece separately and place them into Ziploc bags. This is cheaper then the frozen meals and they taste better. Some of the things that I freeze are chicken broth, pasta, olives, tomato sauce. I pull out the individual bags and add a half a bag of frozen vegetables and some frozen shrimp or chicken (already cooked but frozen). Pop everything into the microwave and in 4 minutes it is all done. These meals seem to work out great and I am eating a little bit better.

9 Months Pregnant: At least on Paper!

According to the ticker I am due any day. I just can not believe that I have been actively working on my adoption for the last 9 months. I have not gained a pound either. I have been thinking about this post for the last week. In the spirit of good blogging I have been thinking about this post for a couple of days. I warn you now this post is super long. I have decided to list 9 positive things that have happened in the past 9 months.

1. I started the process! I know that this may seem like a repeat of my introduction but I have to say that just starting the ball rolling is a difficult battle at least for me it was. I can honestly say that I considered adoption for many, many years before I actually started the process. But some times the fear of the unknown is difficult to overcome.


2. I have found the money to complete the adoption. That is a victory in its self. After all the payments are made I will have a significant decrease in my comfort cushion but I hope and pray actually I know that this will all be worth it once I am home with the little one.


3. I have to say one of the things that I thought I would miss about not being pregnant was the story that went along with giving birth. I think this is an occupational hazard. Where would I be when my water broke? Would Gerard be able to get me to the hospital in time? How would I feel when I got to hold my little baby in my arms for the first time? I can honestly say these thoughts no longer cross my mind. Instead the thoughts that are playing in my mind are even better. I am getting excited about when will I get the call? Will Gerard be home? Will I be able to wait until he gets home to tell him the news? Am I going to tell my family and friends right away or will I wait?


4. My camera skills are improving. Okay I am no Adrienne or Melissa yet but I am trying. I have learned how to down load the pictures into my computer and edit them a bit. One thing that I would love to learn to do before I go is to learn how to do those movies with the music? I love them. I think those movies are a great keepsake. So hopefully before I get the call I will learn how to make one. Even if my first attempt is not great I will take it and run with it.


5. I have gotten better at putting my thoughts down of virtual paper. Sometimes I think I am not staying the true course of what I intended this blog to be (to document my adoption journey). I know not all my posts are about the adoption progress but I have come to realize that most of the things that I have blogged about in the past 9 months have shaped me into the person I am. I think that knowing your inner self before you have to transform into a Mother is probably a good thing. I will be able to teach my little one that life is a journey to be treasured.


6. I am almost done with my BSN. Wow I thought that I was never going to be able to say such a thing. I started back to school in 2004 for my BSN because I was bored. I had a teacher once that told me that people who are bored are boring people. That has always stuck with me. Now the BSN will not really change life much in my current job but if I decide to become a school nurse I must have this degree in order to complete this certification for the state of New Jersey. I just think that being a school nurse will be what is best for my child once he or she is in school. The hours are great and the pay stinks but then I will be able to be home with my child during the summer, off on the weekends, be there for homework and off for all the major holidays. Plus I will not have to be on call and drop the little one off if the unit is busy.


7. I am shopping with a purpose. I know anyone who has been reading this blog has noticed that I am spending plenty of time on the clearance racks in Kohls and many other stores. My little one is fast approaching the need for a second closet because of all the deals that I have found but what can I say I just can not pass them up.


8. I have figured out the who’s, what’s and where’s of child care for when I work. I am thankful that my Mother lives so close and will be able to stay the night when I have to work. Gerard and I have been very busy fixing the office to make this area comfortable for her for when she stays over. My Mother has many grandchildren but because of her past jobs and that fact that she was still raising her own children when some of them were born she never really got to step in and be the Nanny that she wanted to be. Plus I know have plenty of PTO (Paid Time Off) for me to travel, take off the first month that we are home and then one day a pay period for the next year. I will only need to be out of the house 9-10 times per month and still be paid my full time salary. What a relief!!


9. I have gained the support of most of my family and all my friends with respect to adopting a child. At times I have questioned why some people have not been as elated as I am over this miracle but I have finally come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be happy with my decision to adopt. I believe that as long as Gerard and I are elated then that is really all that matters. Gerard and I have talked about how we will handle negative people and their comments that may arise surrounding our child and for once we agree on every bit of it. We will stand together strong as parents’ should.

The most important thing that I have discovered is my blogger friends. If someone would have told me that I would be blogging 9 months ago and enjoying it, I would have been crazy with laughter. I think I drove my friends at work crazy with the word blog for at least a month. I have found a group of people none of whom I have met in person who I will always share this special bond. We are parents in waiting and some who have completed their families and I would have never made it this far with out the support, guidance and kind words that I have received from many of you. God Bless you all. I pray for your families daily.

This post is way to long. Sorry.

Weird Dreams Persist!

I always have the same dream when I am about to travel. It is variations of not being ready. This one was funny because of course I was traveling in my dream to Russia to pick up my child. In my dream I over slept as usual. This is the reason why I pretty much just stay up all night and always leave extra early.

So I jump out of bed and realize I only have 10 minutes to shower, dress and get packed to go for the three weeks that I think I may be in Russia. Don't any of you worry I was able to get showered, dressed and packed. The funny part is the things that I was wearing and was packing.
First of all I started out with a nice pair of denim shorts, tee shirt, flip flops and a straw hat. Okay that is my usual uniform for the summer minus the hat. I hate hats. I never wear a hat. I figure it might get warmer in Russia in the summer but shorts on a plane for 10 hours. What was I thinking?

Then I get to the packing list for trip one:
Toothbrush
Socks (No shoes but socks)
Another hat (Because I would need 2 hats)
Plunger
Toilet brush (wrapped in plastic so my clothes do not get wet)
And my pillow.

I start freaking out and I tell Gerard I will buy the rest when I get there. The REST! I would need to buy everything. I think dreams are the funniest thing most of the time. It really shows you the funnier side of life. I just can not believe that I would be packing cleaning supplies over shoes. Why was the toilet brush wet? Don’t tell me I had time to clean. Well at least I remembered my pillow. So for anyone who is looking for a packing list for trip one maybe you can make sense of this list. I sure can not.